


[Shining Through This Snow-Hazed Glass, Darkly].

by PassionsPromise



Series: {This Little Frame That Holds Me Is Worth So Much More In Your Hands}. [6]
Category: Doom (2005), Rise of the Guardians (2012), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Frost!Jim, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Olduvai, Reaper!McCoy, The Guardians are here!, There's lots of cursing here; you've been warned, Um. Daddy issues. Maybe., Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-08-16 10:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8098114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PassionsPromise/pseuds/PassionsPromise
Summary: Leonard McCoy has his secrets, secrets that he buried over two hundred years ago on Olduvai. Sure, everyone believes that all the files were dead and buried, his sister is long gone, but Leonard keeps one secret close, and its name is Reaper.
Jim Kirk also has a few tricks up his sleeve, tricks that begin with winter and end with snow; he’s been around a hell of a lot longer than McCoy realises and, unbeknownst to him, Jim has survived just as long, alone. Of course, even though Jim knows Leonard’s secrets, that doesn’t mean that he would ever give them away.
Until one moment when Leonard can’t protect himself, until one moment when Jim decides that his best friend’s life is worth more than a secret so well kept not even their friends would ever guess that Jim Kirk is, in fact, not only a Guardian of the Earth, but also a Guardian of the Galaxy.
Heck, there's a reason why Starfleet calls him their golden boy, eh?





	1. Prologue.

**Author's Note:**

> I've no idea whether this'll be a long or short one; I've the general jist of the 'fic worked out, but there's nothing set in stone and, aside from the Prologue below, things are likely to change. Also, I'll be updating a little sporadically with this one, so don't expect constant (constant meaning every three days) updates; I'm job-hunting like there's no tomorrow at the moment and I've another writing project that's keeping me up too; please understand that I will persevere with editing this baby so you guys can read it ASAP.
> 
> Further, I'm keeping this in my {This Frame} series just 'cause it's one of those 'Ah, Jim, you're crazy, as always *eye rolls*' fics.
> 
>  
> 
> Song Used:  
> Lindsey Stirling: Gavi's Song (it's a beautiful piece, please listen to it while reading, and #weareGavi).

The first time the powers come to him, he is a child and he is running.

There are monsters chasing after him; he doesn’t remember why, but the ice that coats his veins is painful; he thinks that he is going to die.

It is two hundred years before and nothing is the same; he is a child, but the child in him is dead.

 

oOo

 

Man on Moon says otherwise; he is different; he will become who he already is, a boy whose hands threw themselves out the second he saw the soldier fall.

He will survive; it is what James Tiberius Kirk does best.

 

oOo

 

_“They always return, little Jack Frost,” Pitch whispers from behind him._

_James watches the unfolding chaos, the soldiers clad in black uniforms shooting at the monsters dressed in torn white skin, their faces so marred by disease that they appear like the spawn of the devil. He steps back into the shadows, into the darkness of the corridor, and then he sees him- he sees-_

_“Reaper! Get Sam out of here, now-“ someone yells between the gunfire, and James sees the man in front of him swivel on his feet, pulling his sister down the long corridor toward safety-_

_James watches them scrabble for safety; they will be the only two survivors._

_The soldiers behind them are already dead._

oOo

 

There are different kinds of evil. James learns.

Nero brought with him an older Spock caught in the grips of a snowstorm, mind-melds and promises that the power that lies dormant within him would keep the peace he so badly craves.

Khan was witness to darker places where the human imagination dares to cross in the darkest of nights. But Khan was no Pitch; Khan may have killed James, but Khan had never killed James’s _centre,_ and the irony of it never left him, even after all these years.

It was Krall that told James what he needed to know; space held more darkness than the surface of the Mars; Krall was what murmured to James in the middle of the night; Krall was what confirmed that the snow and the ice and the frost inside him was still there, still waiting for him, for Pitch, to come back.

He might not have fallen into deep space on Yorktown, but the ice inside him was calling.

The darkness still lived inside him, and where there was darkness, Pitch thrived.

Pitch.

It always, always, led back to Pitch. Pitch, who had been darkness drowned in all sorts of sin, a creature spawned of the Hell knights, a creature who controlled everything tainted black.

Pitch, who had brought with him a branding that James couldn’t utter aloud, not even to North, who had found him first, nor Bunnymund, who had caught him second, and even when they realised the truth, the unutterable truth, only then did they realise that darkness would never, ever, fully disappear.

Olduvai, James realised, had unleashed all sorts of hell on the universe.

 

oOo

 

_“Space is danger and disease wrapped in darkness and silence.”_

_James looked at the man sitting next to him, and chuckled at that._

_He didn’t know how right he was._

oOo

 

Space is bigger, bigger than James could ever have imagined; new possibilities, new forms of evil, new promises that he would never, ever, be free.

James knows that it is going to happen; space is pitch-black, after all, space is danger; he’s the only one to venture farther than the others, the only one strong enough to withstand the darkness that Pitch wields.

Space can’t exist without the stars, and even if Pitch won’t ever disappear, as long as James can keep the stars lit with the magic he is barely able to control, then the darkness won’t ever fully win.

 

 

 

_The Guardians are safer without him,_ he thinks, and that is when James Tiberius Kirk becomes Jim.

Just Jim.

 

oOo

 

_“Jim Kirk.”_ _He salutes._

_“McCoy. Leonard McCoy.”_

_Jim looks once, just once, and knows that John Grimm doesn’t remember him. He smiles._

_They are safe._

 

oOo

****

_The first time the powers come to him, he is a child and he is running._

_He is running, and he is twenty feet behind Reaper, eighteen behind Sam, and he is very much afraid._

_Reaper falls the second his feet try to find common ground at the end of the hall, and he pulls Sam down with him. Right in front of them, the monsters rise, and James knows that they are all going to die._

_The monsters growl for his blood, and James doesn’t think. His veins are burning, his breath is cold, and the world is sharp, so sharp it hurts._

_He whips his hands out, stretches them toward Reaper, flings out something cold and positively furious, because he knows Sam, because he knows that, deep down, Reaper is a good man, and that they will survive._

_The snowstorm is brutal. It is cold, so, so cold. His eyes blink open, and the monsters are frozen in front of him. He turns, and there, he sees Reaper holding Sam, the both of them clutching each other as they stare, wide-eyed, at him._

_“James-“ Sam starts, and he watches her, and he knows that she knows. But she wasn’t supposed to._

_He whimpers. He is tired, and he steps back, because they weren’t supposed to see him- that wasn’t part of the experiment, he wasn’t supposed to ever show himself- and he falls away, dissolves, into the snow, because he is tired, because he has drowned Olduvai in white, because he is afraid, and he is cold, and he wants to sleep._

It is two hundred years before and nothing is the same; he is a child, but the child in him is dead.

He is an experiment that went wrong; his skin bleeds ice and snow and frost, his hair glimmers white, his eyes are the coldest shade of frosted air and he is cold to touch; Man on Moon cannot deny this, not even when North finds him first, not even when Bunnymund catches him second, and not even when Starfleet recruits them all.

 

 

Not even when he finds that he can't control the ice anymore; his powers go dormant after Olduvai, have been dormant for over two hundred years. Guardian of the Earth? Yeah, right.

 

 

_'You are man-made, James,'_ Pitch whispers in the darkness when he sleeps. _'You are not supposed to exist.'_

 

 

It is only when he finds John Grimm on that shuttle, space-bound, that he realises that, maybe, Man on Moon has plans.

 

Maybe there are other ways of being a Guardian, Jim learns; Man on Moon wants him to protect the galaxy from the darkness.

 

And it is here that maybe, just maybe, Jim Kirk will have the chance, _his_ chance, to simply _belong_.


	2. one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used:
> 
> Don't Panic- Aerial.  
> I Started A Joke- ConfidentialMX, Becky Hanson.  
> Unsteady- X Ambassadors.

_The experiment had a codename. Frost._

_The details released in the aftermath of the death of Olduvai were sketchy at best; when the Guardians, creatures fabricated from the strings of all-knowing presence, were recognised among humankind, scientists wondered whether or not it might be possible to create a Guardian of their own, one whose powers could become even stronger than those whose existences rode solely on the beliefs of children all across the world._

_Frost was only meant to be an experiment, unseen by any human eye, unseen even by that of the Guardians, but the white-coats wanted to create an enigma with power the likes of which not even the Guardians could overcome._

_Children were offered for the experiment on a planet called Tarsus; nine survived, and out of that nine, only one overcame the difficulties of living on a starved planet ruled by a ruthless leader._

_But, in creating Frost, they also created Pitch._

_And unlike Frost, Pitch could not survive on its own._

 

oOo

 

It wasn’t the first time that they met, but since it was their first greeting on the Bridge that morning, Jim wasn’t going to comment on Bones’s bleary-eyed expression. He’d seen the doctor rumpled and grumpy many times before, but the sight never really lost itself on him; no matter how old Bones really was, Jim had never gotten over the sheer humanness of the CMO.

“Oh, come on, Bones; it’ll be _fun_!” he leaned forward, catching Bones’s miffed expression again.

“Jim, I swear the word _‘fun’_ is your middle name.”

Jim winked, crystal-blue eyes glittering. “Might be, Bones, but that look you have right there can _still_ warm death over.”

A little sliver of cold air frosted between them and the doctor shuddered, but the look in his eyes, the sleepy-eyed expression, cleared a little.

“Anyone let Jack on the Bridge?” he grumbled, shuddering from the crisp air.

Jim chuckled.

 

oOo

 

The cold grasp of air hit Leonard square in the face.

He blinked, relishing the first breath of fresh air he’d breathed in the few years they’d spent on and off Enterprise. If he listened hard enough, he could just about hear the tinkling of bells. It sounded like Christmas to his ears.

It was coming up to that time of year, he supposed.

“Anyone let Jack on the Bridge?” he said, shuddering when the breeze became stronger, and Jim’s answering chuckle had him turning to face the kid with a quizzical expression. “It’s cold in here, kid.”

“Whatever, grumpy,” Jim answered, the stars in his eyes as white as freshly-fallen snow.

Bones blinked, caught by the stars, the snow, in the kid’s eyes, and he felt his breath leave him, for all but a moment, remembering-

_“James-“_

No. It wasn’t. Even Sam had said so. It couldn’t have been.

Just his imagination.

The kid was dead, he reasoned.

 _Stop thinking that all your ghosts are living_ , _Reaper,_ he cursed from the darkest corner of his mind. _Stop thinking that any of them survived that horrible fucking experiment._

It had been two hundred years and still he hadn’t gotten over it; he swore that he had never seen Sam so upset as she had been the night she explained everything- the experiment, Tarsus, the rumours of a Tactical Squad that held power the likes of which neither Reaper nor Sarge had never come across in all their time with ‘Fleet.

 _“His name was James, and we killed him, John- Jesus- we murdered the child just because of someone’s power-hungry issue with the_ Gods _-“_

Leonard clamped his jaw tight.

If Gods existed, then they had a funny way of showing it, letting innocent children die so fucking needlessly.

 

oOo

 

Uhura flicked the switches over her station, catching sight of the backs of the two men standing on the Bridge. She smiled at Spock standing next to her.

“I cannot help but feel that we are being left out on a joke,” Spock murmured.

Uhura nodded. “I feel that too.”

A moment passed, and Uhura tilted her head, watching the broad shoulders of the Captain and CMO. She whispered, “Is it just me, or are they both the same?”

“To what are you referring to, Lieutenant?” Spock murmured.

“Their shadows- they look the same,” she replied, watching Jim’s shoulders move, and Leonard’s shrug, before she shook her head. “Sorry, forget what I just said.”

 

oOo

 

_“James,” the doctor whispered through the glass. James looked up from his folded knees and glimpsed gold-spun hair and beautiful blue eyes. She tapped the glass with a single finger, a look of wonder on her pale face, and the darkness of the laboratory was overshadowed by the lights of the little glass cage he sat in._

_“Make a little magic, just for us,” she whispered, smiling, “I know you can do it, James.”_

_He held out his hands, pressed them to the glass, pushed a little, and her palms reached out to overshadow his._

_The ice burst, like thousands of diamonds, across the glass, all blue and white and silver, and she laughed when she saw the dancing rabbit bounce over her head. “James, this is beautiful- you’re amazing-“_

_He laughed, and he was reaching through the glass, because mass and matter meant nothing to him, and she was holding him and she was warm, safe, and he was happy because she said the snow and the ice and the frost was beautiful._

oOo

Jim nudged Bones’s shoulder. “Come on, Bones. Have a little faith here.”

“Jim, you are asking us to beam down to a planet possibly infested with viruses and-“

“Oh, Bones- seriously, you act like the oldest man in the universe with that lousy excuse!” Jim cried him down.

Bones flinched at that one, and he looked at Jim.

“There’s a compliment if ever I heard one,” Uhura murmured from behind. Jim turned to look at her and Spock.

“Uhura, you and I both know that I say that as a compliment- come _on_ , we’re scheduled a break from duty, and there’s nowhere else to dock for leave- we’ll be fine! Look at it, this majestic piece of earthly finery; it’s just _begging_ to be explored!” Jim added, pointing at the image of a planet that glittered a hazy green and orange down below them.

Sulu and Chekov turned to look at each other, unsure as to whether they should say something.

They found new territory, sure, and they journeyed out way beyond Yorktown at this point, but even though they were supposedly on a break, here they were, staring down at the new planet, and Jim was the one with starbursts in his eyes.

“Captain, I must enquire as to whether you have, as the good doctor would say, lost your marbles,” Spock said, wrists held behind him as he watched Jim, who groaned. “Although the Enterprise have procured ship leave, we have not yet scanned this new planet; we do not understand whether the species is volatile, and we must certainly _not_ beam down unless we have acquired the most rudimentary of information regarding basic oxygen levels, and even whether it is safe to-“

Jim levelled a look at his First Officer. “Ship leave entails us leaving the ship, Spock. ‘Fleet orders, yeah? Besides, it’s _safe_ ; oxygen levels are as expected from Earth- I checked, as I usually do every time we find a new planet- and aside from the unusual spikes in temperatures, there’s nothing out of the ordinary; we won’t know much else until we send out a party, which is why I thought we could go down, _together_. For _fun_. If you want to re-check, then go right ahead.”

Bones narrowed his eyes, cocking an eyebrow at Jim. “Jesus, kid, you aren’t suddenly coming down with a case of the Belvarian flu?” He reached out to cop a feel of his temperature; Jim shrugged out of his grasp.

“What the _hell_ is Belvarian flu, Bones?” Jim rolled his eyes, before adding, “No, last I checked, I was my normal level of hotness, thank you. And now,” he said, clapping his hands in manic glee, “Let’s go do what we’re meant to be doing on this five-year mission; _exploring!”_

He swivelled on his feet. The cold, the frost and ice, came from out of nowhere.

A winter wind curled around Jim’s fingers; he heard the faraway twinkle of incoming snow, the rising, and falling, temperatures in his veins. His heartbeat stuttered, chilled by the looming frost in his body, and the tinkling ice that usually coated his fingertips seemed to glisten, before his skin heated again.

 _'You are man-made, James,' Pitch taunted._  

Jim stopped, stilled, the magic coursing through him so strong that it seemed to overwhelm his senses. He blinked against the crystals that dotted his vision. “Whoa,” he whispered, unsure as to what had caused the sudden spike of magic coursing through his body.

“Jim?” Bones placed a hand on his shoulder, steadying him. “You okay?”

Jim nodded, throwing a smirk over his shoulder. He didn’t search out the hollows of those hazel eyes, the places where he knew the secrets were darker than bone, places where the hallways of Olduvai could just about be found. He grinned. “Peachy, Bones,” he said, “Now, let’s go get out there.”

 

oOo

 

According to Dr Leonard McCoy, _exploring_ usually meant beaming down, taking a few samples of an unknown, uncharted planet (it depended on whether or not they were running or hiding from one living species or another, usually in thanks to Jim) and, eventually, logging the new planet as charted territory. The aim wasn’t really to make contact unless the people that populated the planet were intelligent enough to understand that there were other life forms out there, in the pitch-black pit that was space. Of course, since they were on ship leave, they didn’t necessarily need to go exploring; Jim just wanted to get off the damn ship for a little while, and if he was going, then by God, naturally, he’d want everyone on Bridge to go with him.

However, this was not Leonard’s territory; he wanted to get back to Medical, thank you very much.

He was a doctor, not a fucking geologist.

When they beamed down, Leonard jumped. The shadows on this planet brought back memories; the heat was something he wasn’t expecting. Jesus, the place looked like Hell had… burned over or something. Deserts stretched out as far as the eye could see; the small patch of oasis they were standing in was merely humid. Already, a damp sweat pooled down over the back of his neck, and the look Uhura was giving him was making him want to crawl the fucking trees or something.

“Jim, this place is probably crawling with-“ he started weakly, before Jim stopped ahead of him, staring out to the desert that surrounded them on all sides.

“Bones, for the last time, what are we wearing?” his Captain answered, turning to cast him a glance and a cheeky grin; he gestured to their suits and breathing apparatus.

“I don’t care if were going around in these goddamn suits; I actually don’t give a damn as to whether these things could protect us from skin cancer, Jim- this heat is _not natural_ ; you think that maybe the species populating here might’ve just _died_ from sunstroke?”

“Good God, man, I thought you were from hot and sunny Georgia,” Jim said, and he suddenly narrowed his eyes, staring over his shoulder to something the doctor couldn’t see. A spark glittered in his baby-blue eyes; Leonard faltered when he glimpsed the shadow of snow against Jim’s face. “No,” Jim was saying, and Leonard felt himself hit the ground with the sound of his voice, “I actually don’t.”

Out of nowhere, the hairs on the back of Leonard’s neck rose. Ah; there it was, that age-old instinct. Jesus. _Fuck._ He _knew_ that look; he’d seen it on Sarge’s eyes hundreds of years back, back when-

Uhura folded her arms. “I don’t understand, Captain- what could-“ she stopped when she found what the Captain was looking at. Her eyes went wide. _“Oh. My. God.”_

“What?” Leonard ground out. He was reaching, slowly, _slowly_ , for his phaser-

Jim raised his hand, still staring at the space over Leonard’s shoulder. “Bones, just _don’t_ , whatever you do, just don’t look over your shoulder, okay? Keep your eyes on me, okay?”

Leonard swallowed. “What do you-“

“Keptin, there seems to be unusual readings coming from under our feet-“ Chekov bubbled, jumping out from the foliage to their right. Leonard jumped when the Russian kid bounced into his line of vision.

“Bones, please- _don’t move_ -“

“ _Oh my God_ ,” Chekov said when his eyes floundered up from the PADD he carried to the space just over Leonard’s shoulder. Leonard swallowed.

“How many feet away?” he asked. He dealt with worse, saw worse, but fuck, that was two hundred years ago, and-

The C-24 would keep him going-

“It’s- it’s dead- Bones,” Jim said, “But- it’s not- just, please don’t turn around- _please_ -“

Leonard rolled his eyes at the pleading tone in his Captain’s voice, swivelled on his feet, and came face-to-face with a familiar, mutated lump of a face, it’s teeth pulled back in a guttural, silent snarl. _Jesus-_

He pulled his phaser, knowing the fucking thing wasn’t going to do jack-shit-

“Jesus fucking _Christ_ -“

A pair of arms pulled him back, and he stumbled, losing his footing, falling, crashing right down into the body behind him-

“Bones- it’s _dead_ -“ Jim gasped, his arms still holding Leonard, but Leonard couldn’t hear him. He shoved against Jim, still wielding his phaser like the goddamn thing would actually **kill** the Hell knight if it so much as moved-

“Kid, that thing ain’t dead unless you shoot it in the brains and the-“

Leonard stopped. The Hell knight was hanging upside down, but the sway of its body revealed another white, mangled mess hanging behind it, and-

He looked out, beyond, and realised that there were more, all hanging from the trees that towered high above them. He stilled.

They were _all_ hanging upside down- he guessed twenty of them- all hanging from a rope tied to their feet.

“Jim-“ he breathed, “Jim, get us _the fuck_ out of here now-“

“K-Keptin-“ Chekov whispered.

“Jim, fuck, _now_!” Leonard shouted, his heart in his mouth, up to his fucking eyeballs, because _goddamnit_ those things were supposed to be dead- his phaser was still aimed to kill the things, and Jesus did he ever want to leave this planet- now-

But they had already de-materialised, and when they landed on the transporter pad, he dropped his phaser, his heart pounding like a livewire in his throat. _He thought those fucking things were already dead_.

_“James-“_

The cold and the frost as the Hell knight rose to pounce on him and Sam and the fear- goddamnit, he was-

This was not Olduvai.

This was not Olduvai.

_This was not Olduvai-_

“Bones-“

 

_“James-“_

The hand on his shoulder made him jump, but the heat rose to his face, and he blacked out with the kid calling his name and the cold caress of snow and ice against his cheek.

 

oOo

 

_“James? Are you okay? Did they hurt you again?”_

_James rubbed his face and shook his head. “I want to go home, Sam.”_

_Sam’s face crumpled up. “I know, sweetie, I do too. I want to go home too.”_

_“I miss mum,” James whispered._

_“I miss my brother,” Sam replied as she drew her arms out for him. He fell through the glass easily and wrapped his arms around her._

_“It’s lonely here; there’s no one to talk to but you,” James whispered. “Please don’t leave me, Sam. I don’t want to be alone.”_

_“I’m never leaving you, sweetie, ever,” Sam murmured into his hair, the heat of her lips fever-bright against the coldness of his forehead._

_“Sam?”_

_“Yes?”_

_James looked up to her eyes, “Who’s Pitch?”_

oOo

 

Jim stared at the doctor on the biobed, his cheek turned into the pillow.

Uhura touched his shoulder.

“Captain?”

Jim swallowed. There was no way that they were beaming down again. Something was off; the planet was dead; Jim saw no reason as to why the Hell knights should’ve even been there- no way at all-

He had killed the fucking planet that one time. He felt the ice and snow coating the surface of Mars, completely freezing the entire planet. He felt it _die_ , crumble into dust.

But, this morning… the spike of his magic on the Bridge proved it. There was something weird going on down there.

Something was wrong-

And the look on Bones’s face- _fuck_ , he never wanted to see that look of horror ever again.

That one time two hundred years ago was more than enough. He breathed out, and felt the flicker of snow course under his skin, and in that flicker, he remembered-

_“You’ll come back, my dear little James, my dear little Frost. They always, always do.”_

He stopped.

Jesus, it couldn’t have been; it had been two hundred years and the Guardian still hadn’t made an appearance. _Two hundred years_ since the first, and only, appearance, and still…

The tell-tale sign of frost coated the inside of his fingers; Jesus, when he saw that knight, he was two steps away from literally blasting the thing out of existence.

What _fun_ that would’ve been to explain to the crew.

Pun. Fully. Intended.

Bones’s eyes flickered under closed lids.

God only knew what dreams he was having.

“Ship leave is still in effect,” he found himself saying, “But no one leaves the ship. Captain’s orders; no one overrides it, not even CMO. I have a few calls to make. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my quarters,” he added, turning away from the doctor and finding all of the Bridge crew waiting behind him. “Guys, seriously, we’re not going back down or anything; just go have some fun, okay?” he grinned. “Bones’ll be fine after some sleep and a couple glasses of bourbon, trust me.”

“I vill stay,” Chekov volunteered. Sulu narrowed his eyes when Chekov spoke.

“Hey, let’s make a slumber party out of it; the CMO will be pissed when he finds out we were nursing his ass,” he said. Jim smiled.

“I agree wi’ ya,” Scotty said, “Anyway I need ta show ya this new little gadget I made for the PADD system-“ he trailed off, pulling Chekov and Uhura to the side, as Spock and Sulu began muttering to each other about a game of chess.

Jim left them to their chattering, glad that the crew were close enough to care for each other; he was sure that Bones would wake up soon enough with a headache from the steady bickering between them.

He wanted to stay with them, but as he picked up his comm and fiddled with the digits under his finger, he knew that Bones wouldn’t be safe without Jim finding out what the fuck was happening right under their ship.

Jim needed to do what his crew literally couldn’t.

He needed to find out if Pitch was rearing his ugly head again, because the one and only time Jim had ever met him had been on a planet that didn’t exist anymore, with creatures chasing him that, technically speaking, shouldn’t exist anymore.

No, that wasn’t right; Jim knew.

The surge in his energy this morning was proof; Jesus, why _didn’t_ he think that it was him? Two hundred years; had he really become that weak?

If Pitch was down there, then he himself was on his own; there was no way, even with Bunnymund’s space-hopping skills, that the others could join him on such short notice, not from such a long distance away.

He squeezed the comm shut. No; he wouldn’t call them. They _would_ come if he called, but it was almost Christmas, and North needed every single Guardian he could get his hands on at this time of the year.

They wouldn’t have the time to deal with Pitch.

Jim made his way to his quarters, dug out the black bag that had gathered dust in all the years he’d owned it, and threw on the Starfleet-issued, soldier-black uniform, stretching his fingers in the gloves, flicking his wrist in order to activate the dim, blue lights on the chest plate. Once he pulled the black boots on and zipped them up, he felt it, the ice in his veins, the sign that he was reverting to what Sam had lovingly called his Guardian-mode. He clicked his tongue, and his breath came away a lot colder than it had five minutes ago.

Being a Guardian had a small price to pay; he was the only human, the only one created by humankind, and when he reverted to human-form again… there’d be a shitload of pain to pay for, and especially considering the fact that it had been… two _hundred_ years…

A spike of fear pulled him down, but he couldn’t dwell on it for long. The last time he sank away into the abyss of coldness and frost, he left Sam and John to pick up the pieces, and he hadn’t woken for weeks after that. North had found him, his red coat bearing the insignia of Starfleet in its budding days, and he had bundled him in his arms the whole way back to earth then.

He had been recruited to the Squad when he was only nine years old. The rest had been history. Yeah, he aged, but it was slow; two hundred years since Olduvai, since the experiments (Frost, he remembered; everything else was a haze of pain and visits from Sam. Everything else was… gone), two hundred years since Sam and John and everything that had brought him up to this point.

Everything, including Bones.

No, not just Bones. Not just Jim. Not now.

 _John Grimm_ needed _Jack Frost_ , and if he didn’t do something now, there’d be hell to pay for later on.

Literally.

Jim didn’t need the transporter pad; his powers allowed him to slip between weighted objects and barriers; even now, he felt his feet dip down between the floor and through the plates of the Enterprise, and suddenly, he was plummeting down through the darkness of space. He didn’t need to breathe; the coldness of his body could reach way below sub-zero temperatures, and as he hit the atmosphere of the planet under him, he allowed his body to fall straight through until his feet grazed the unforgiving heat of the planet. He looked up to the bluest skies, and threw a pocket of snow up into the air, the electric blues and whites and silvers streaking the sky in a rumbling of fire and ice.

He blinked; his eyes toned to an even silver, and he grinned wickedly. “Where are you, Pitch?” he sing-songed.

The cries of Hell knights issued from every inch of the world around him.

Jack grinned and the world became winter-white.

 

oOo

 

“Where’s Jim?”

Uhura looked up from the cards she held in her hands as the doctor sat up. Sulu cocked an eyebrow at Leonard, while Chekov paled under the doctor’s stare.

“Are you sure you should be up? Considering the fact that you literally fainted at the sight of that-“ Uhura started, before Leonard threw himself off the bed and made it to the Medbay door.

“Where’s Jim?” Leonard ground out, as he turned to face her, his expression haggard.

“He said he was going to his quarters, but that was over three hours ago; you’ve been out of it for a while,” Sulu said, “I don’t think you should be moving, but obviously you have other ideas.”

“I’m a doctor, Sulu, and right now what I need is to speak to Jim; I don’t really have a choice here,” Leonard replied. “Computer, locate Captain Kirk,” he added, throwing his eyes around the silent Medbay.

 _“The Captain is not currently on the ship; he was last seen at nineteen-hundred hours in his quarters,”_ the computer replied. Uhura dropped the cards on the desk. She narrowed her eyes.

“Computer, are there any known calls made to Starfleet from the Captain’s quarters?” Uhura asked.

 _“Negative,”_ the computer replied, and Sulu jumped to attention at that.

“ _Shit_ ,” Leonard growled.

“Has it to do with those creatures?” Uhura asked, unfazed by his show of anger.

“Yeah, it does,” Leonard answered. “And, before you ask, no, they aren’t dead, Uhura. None of them can _die_. I need to beam back down,” he added, turning on his heel for the exit to the Medbay.

“The Keptin said dat-“

“The Captain **isn’t** on the goddamn ship, Chekov; _why_ do you think that is?” Leonard growled in reply. Jesus fucking Christ, he had no time for this. “Go see if you can lock onto his location down below, **now**. And where’s Spock?” he added, as Chekov rushed off to the Bridge.

“He’s in his quarters,” Uhura said, “Should we meet at the Bridge?”

“No- I’m heading to Weapons,” Leonard said, finding the wide-eyed look on Sulu’s face and pointedly ignoring it. Jesus, if they wanted to judge, he didn’t give a flying fuck. “Go get Spock- I’ll meet you there.”


	3. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used:
> 
> I Need a Doctor; Dr. Dre, Eminem, Skylar Grey.  
> Got You On My Mind: NF.  
> Rebellion: Linkin Park.  
> Wastelands: Linkin Park.  
> Sunder: Really Slow Motion.

Leonard forgot what _being_ Reaper _meant_.

Suddenly, his whole world was shifting, and with it, he remembered the gunshots and black chest plates and the Squad; Sam’s bright blue eyes and her gold-spun hair; there were monsters dubbed the Hell knights and a pair of onyx eyes with a soothing voice that broke sweat over his skin.

Being Reaper was the same as being in space; disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence. Fear. Anger. Hatred. Bone-deep tiredness.

Reaper’s life came back in flashes, in nightmares, in snippets of Olduvai dressed to kill; his experience on the planet under them, under Enterprise, right now, brought two hundred years back into focus; now, he wasn’t just Reaper, but he was Bones, he was Doctor Leonard McCoy, he was a survivor and a fighter and still not cut out for the life he had offered himself when he joined Starfleet.

Fuck.

Jim, right now, was somewhere on that planet, and if he wasn’t dead, then he wasn’t too far from it, and it terrified him, how easily death found the kid, how easily the kid ran toward it. How easily Olduvai was coming back to him-

Jesus, the kid didn’t even know what those creatures- _those monsters_ \- could do.

_“His name was James, and we killed him, John- Jesus- we murdered the child-“_

Leonard swallowed, and when he blinked, the Weapons room came into focus.  He wasn’t Leonard; not here, not now. Now, he was a trained killer, a soldier, and he needed to focus solely on that, because Jim needed him, because Jim needed John Grimm, John Reaper, and the C-24 that was begging to fight just underneath his skin.

“Leonard?” Uhura whispered, and he remembered who was standing here, in Weapons, with him.

He turned, and felt the weight of the assault phaser in his arms, remembered the gear he had changed into, the black assault uniform only ever given to a Squad member when under imminent attack. He stared into her searching eyes. 

“Where’s Spock?” he asked. She looked over her shoulder to the open doors. The silence of the Weapons room ticked between them.

“I think he went to the Bridge with the rest of the crew,” she said. “He’s going to help Chekov find Jim’s location.”

Leonard clicked his tongue, breezing past Uhura and turning out of Weapons. The walls gleamed a pearl-white against his black gear, all of it a complete contrast to the dark, vivid memories he had of a whole world ago. The Enterprise was silent, all of the crew on leave taken to their beds; it was just after twenty- hundred hours and the silence was deafening.

“McCoy to Bridge,” he called out as he headed toward the transporter room, “Chekov, have you locked onto Jim?”

“Negative, Doctor,” Chekov answered, “It appears as though there is interference from the planet under us; there are millions of life forms all over-“

“Fuck,” Leonard cursed, speeding up. “Chekov, I need you to beam me down, now. We don’t have time for questions, just put me down there- _anywhere_.”

“Leonard-“

“Don’t stop me,” he turned around to stare Uhura down as she ground to a halt, her words dying on her lips when she took in the determined slope of his shoulders.

“I’m not really who you think I am,” he said. “Not right now. I can’t explain anything. Not now.”

Uhura nodded, her shoulders setting with the same determination. “Okay,” she said, “But you will explain everything. When you come back.”

“ _If_ I come back-“

“No,” Uhura shook her head. “You _will_. And you will tell us everything.”

A rising darkness overwhelmed his hazel eyes. He growled.

“Uhura, those things down there won’t just _kill_ Jim, and they won’t just _kill_ me. They aren’t normal creatures; they’re a hell of a lot worse. I can’t tell you everything; it’s against regulations-“

“Bullshit,” Uhura quipped, stepping into his space. “We’re your friends, Leonard. Fuck whatever Starfleet told you; whatever is happening down there is a lot bigger than you’re telling us, and it now involves our Captain- inevitably, it now involves all of us.”

Leonard looked away from her eyes. “It’s an old secret, Uhura. One that Starfleet would murder me for sharing.”

“Why?”

“ ‘Cause ‘Fleet’s the reason why those things exist,” he said, grinding his teeth against the words, “And I am not supposed to be telling you any of this.”

“Jim is down there,” Uhura bit out. “Why?”

Leonard looked to her. Unblinking, unnerved, she replied, “He’s a Captain, Leonard. Don’t forget that. He’ll always want to protect his ship and his crew. Even if he is the one put in danger.”

“Don’t we all fucking know it,” Leonard answered. “Goddamn infant.”

 

oOo

 

_“Pitch?” Sam whispers, “James, how do you know about Pitch?”_

_“Who is he, Sam?” James looks up to her eyes, searching them for answers, “Everyone was talking about him, saying something about his powers- is he like me?”_

_Sam’s face crumples in on itself as she holds the little boy a little tighter. “It’s a monster, James, and it creates more monsters whenever we try to stop it. It’s nothing like you.”_

_A minute passes, and then Sam asks, “James- did you speak to Sandman again?”_

 

oOo

 

Jack listened to the Hell knights; their silence caressed his skin. He tumbled forward and dodged their clawed fists, their bared teeth. He threw a burst of frost up into the air, watched as it scattered and dazzled his frost-toned eyes, and suddenly, the world surrounding him was cold, lost to the silence of death and ice. Three of the knights towered over him, their claws extended, but the glass of the ice sealed them inside, encasing them in the magic of Frost’s power, forever.

He jumped, his feet propelling him higher and higher on his own North wind. The ground far below him glittered a radioactive white, glowing bright against the dead earth.

He couldn’t find Pitch, only its traces. The knights were everywhere, all scattered over hundreds of miles of land, all of their presences an itching along the map of his skin. Their darkness seeped into his bones, the chilled lines of his veins. Already, he’d spent way too long trying to track down the-

He stopped.

He looked up, across the horizon, where the black, starry sky met the hard, dead planet under it.

_Who-_

The warmth in his chest anchored him. He could feel the doctor’s presence like a gentle probe along his mind.

“ _Bones_ ,” he whispered, his name carrying across the wind.

Shit.

No.

_No._

If Bones was down there, then he was fighting off the knights by himself.

Probably thinking that Jim needed him. Probably thinking that Jim was dead.

“Jesus, Bones- I told them _not_ to let anyone off the goddamn ship,” Jack growled-

Jack let the wind drop his body, and he spiralled down through the sky, pin-pointing Bones’s whereabouts and jack-knifing toward him with all the power he had in him.

Bones _would not_ die.

Not down here, not with hundreds of those things crawling the surface of the planet.

Not down here, with Pitch gathering his power to kill the last remaining survivor of Olduvai.

 

oOo

 

_“So that’s your reasoning, Jack,” North intoned when James told him the truth. “You do not wish to become a member of the Squad, of the Guardians?”_

_Jack shook his head, his head still full of sleep and the bitter sweep of the winter’s chill. He’d woken up only a few hours ago; it had been weeks since Olduvai. He slept through all of it, the return to earth and the beginnings of an organisation dubbed Starfleet._

_“I’m not really a Guardian,” he said. “Just an experiment. Jack Frost died for me, so I’m not really a Guardian anyways.”_

_North cocked an eyebrow at him, peered even deeper into the boy’s bright-blue eyes. “You know, Jack, none of us were chosen as Guardians; we made ourselves, just like you, just like Jack.”_

_James shook his head._

_“Moon chose you guys; he didn’t really choose me.” Jack kicked his feet off the hospital bed. “I wasn’t made because Moon wanted me to protect anyone, either.”_

He just didn’t really want me.

_North’s eyes narrowed. “You can speak to him, can’t you?”_

_Jack didn’t say anything._

_Moon never spoke back; Jack just simply knew that he was there. Watching them, like Baby Tooth had said._

_“Well, Jack, always remember that it was Sandman who wanted you to join his team,” North said after a moment, “Regardless of what Moon says or doesn’t say; Sandman was there first. If you ever need any of us, ever, just call us. We’ll be there for you.”_

 

oOo

 

The world he beamed down to wasn’t the same one they stood on earlier. Leonard raised the phaser in his hands, swivelled a sharp 360, and breathed out the crisp, fresh air of the cold night. He shivered; where was all the heat gone-

A rising, shrill scream echoed through the darkness, and Leonard looked up to the moonless sky.

His eyes were already adjusted to the darkness; C-24 made his senses a lot sharper than a human’s, and his breath hitched when he recognised the distant pounding of feet on the ground under him.

Hell knights.

He lowered his phaser, listened again, heard the crunch under him as he stepped forward and squinted down to find white sheets of snow-

He stopped.

What?

He listened again.

Snarls whispered in the air around him, echoes of darkness and memories that he had left in another time entirely.

God, it made him sick.

Silence breathed down his neck. Jim could be anywhere out here. _Anywhere-_

His heart sped up, pounded a little faster-

Fuck-

The faint rush of air echoed in his ears, the tell-tale whip of a breeze that brought with it the storm-

He raised the phaser above his head and aimed. He shot into the sky, and something screeched a high-pitched wail before crumbling into a heavy heap twenty feet from where he stood. He stepped forward again into the dark space around him, and listened-

The thing was keening, and he could just about make out the slumped shape of the knight-

He aimed again, this time at its head, and the thing was silenced completely into stillness.

He looked up to the sky, felt his breath billow around his cheeks.

“Jim, where the _fuck_ are you?”

He swallowed and raised his phaser at eye-level, treading the ground in front of his with careful, remembered footsteps.

 

oOo

 

Time passed slowly, and he shuddered deep into his coat. He had taken out close to twenty of the fuckers, and their blood seeped down into the snow in the footprints he left behind him. He had no idea where he was, if he was standing on familiar ground or unfamiliar, or if he was walking in circles.

He debated calling Jim’s name. Disregarded it. Calling the Captain’s name would fuck up the silence. The creatures would hear him from hundreds of miles away.

He didn’t want that. Christ, no.

A stray flake of snow grazed his nose, trailing a wet line of moisture down his cheek. It was getting colder, fast, and he hoped against hope that the kid had found shelter somewhere, that he wasn’t stranded, injured, broken- or-

“Don’t think about it, Grimm,” he growled, unsurprised when he heard his old name, his first name, on his lips.

He fucking hoped that the kid was safe; he told Enterprise to comm him if Jim made contact, or if they managed to make contact with him-

The fact that they hadn’t meant that Jim was still out here- he probably didn’t even bother bringing him comm with him-

_Jesus._

The pit at the bottom of his stomach bevelled out a little more, and he felt bile rise to the back of his throat.

Jim would not have been killed if he’d been taken-

Jim could’ve turned into one of them-

Jesus, he might’ve been killed-

He turned around to empty darkness. He breathed the darkness, the scent of frost and crystal-clear air-

No. Jim wouldn’t. Not without making contact-

He would have brought his comm with him-

Or he might not have; he might’ve decided that he wanted to go exploring-

No. Jim was not that stupid. No way. He said that he was going to his quarters; why did he come back down here- _why-_

Leonard gritted his teeth. Stop. He would find him. His heart pounded, vicious, against his ribcage. Even if there was a body, he would find him-

A rush of air blew through his coat, but the presence in the wind was unmistakeable-

He turned, aiming-

Stopped.

A sharp swell of cold air sank deeper under the folds of his clothes.

“What the **fuck** are you?” he said to the onyx eyes in front of him.

“You must be John,” the eyes in front of him said. Leonard fought against the weirdness of the faintly British accent.

“How do you know my name?” he challenged the speaker.

A white-toothed grin seeped through the darkness. “Oh, Mr. Grimm, I know _everything_ about you.”

Leonard growled, “How do you know my name, when I don’t know yours?”

“How rude of me- you might want to call me Pitch,” replied the speaker, and suddenly, the air around Leonard seemed to seep out of him. He drew a breath, but he wasn’t able to properly breathe-

_Pitch._

Sam had said that there was another… creature, that-

_Monsters…_

This was Olduvai all over again-

He felt his lungs closing in, felt the coldness seep a little deeper under the layers of clothing he wore-

_He couldn’t move-_

“I suppose you might say that I’m a _nightmare_ to be around,” Pitch continued. Leonard felt his grip on his phaser loosen- shit, _he couldn’t hold it-_

The cold air seeped deeper, freezing his hand, locking it- he tried to step back- couldn’t-

“I suppose you could also say that I love the darkness, and I love the fear it causes in you,” Pitch continued, drawing closer, closer- “You see, my dear Grimm, I know your fear; I know of the darkness inside your heart, and I know that that the C-24 inside of you, the very matter that has caused you to live for as long as you have… I know you fear the very monster that you are becoming because of it.”

Leonard’s grip gave out, the phaser slipped- and his heart jolted with it.

He couldn’t fucking move- and the cold- _Jesus Christ_ the cold was something awful- chilling his bones, his veins, stopping- slowly, slowly- his heart-

Pitch leaned in-

Leonard closed his eyes.

He could hear them, their pounding feet, their bloodthirsty growls-

The Hell knights were coming-

Fuck-

He was going to die here.

Shit-

Goddamnit, _Jim-_

_Jim._

“You’re afraid of being alone, John,” Pitch whispered in his ear, “And alone you will always, always be.”

Leonard caved at that. He wasn’t able to help Jim, not like this- he wasn’t-

He was swallowed by the darkness, falling-

He was going to die- he was-

_“His name was James, and we killed him, John- Jesus- we murdered the child-“_

**_Jim-_ **

A sharp blast of air whipped out over his ear. Suddenly, the darkness, the cold, cloying grasp of it, was gone-

Leonard fell to his knees, gravity pulling him down to the rising earth. Before he could make the ground, two arms drew out from behind, grasping him, pulling him up.

“ _Get up_ ,” Jim’s voice growled in his ears, but Leonard’s legs refused to comply; he jerked his body backward and collapsed against Jim’s chest-

“Jim, how-“ he turned his head and caught a pair of glowing, silver-blue eyes. He pulled back when he glimpsed white hair- what-

_“His name was James, and we killed him, John- Jesus- we murdered the child-“_

Those silver eyes blinked. Leonard pulled back-

“Bones,” those silver eyes said, “We don’t have time, get up-“

_Was it C-24?_

_But those eyes-_

He _remembered_ those eyes-

The Hell knights- _Sam-_

He remembered-

“Holy shit-“

 _“James-“_ Sam’s voice called out on that last stretch, when the knights towered over them and the boy had turned to face them-

“Holy _fucking_ shit-“

A shriek, louder than a scream, howled through the air- Leonard couldn’t see a blasted thing, but there- just there, Jim’s body started to glow, just a little, and it was enough for him to see by- it was-

Jim raised his hands, the solider-black uniform a cloak of darkness against the blue lights on his chest-plate- and suddenly, there was light, an entire bubble of it, emanating from the Captain’s body, and Leonard saw-

_“The fuck?!”_

The Captain of the USS Enterprise was wearing a Squad-issued uniform. The blue lines against his jacket were like ice, and they glowed through the darkness, but it wasn’t so much the uniform that caught Leonard.

Ice and frost and snow bevelled out from Jim’s fingertips, from his whole body, lighting up the darkness, and bringing with it the faint glow of the sightless stars against the night sky above.

Leonard felt his breath catch.

_Jesus-_

In that one moment, watching the determination on Jim’s-

No, not Jim’s-

_This was-_

_“-James, and we killed him, John- Jesus- we murdered the child-“_

“You’re the experiment,” Leonard found himself saying. “Jim-“

A cold, wet snarl coated Leonard’s skin, and Leonard looked down- the phaser- where-

Howls and growls and everything otherworldly and inhuman suddenly chorused up from all around them.

There were hundreds of Hell knights encircling them; Leonard could feel them, their presences, rubbing against his skin like salt on wounds that he didn’t want to remember. His heart leaped up into his throat as he took in the sight of them all, all standing out beyond the circle of light that Jim had made, all of them huddled in the darkness, all about to pounce-

Jim’s light shattered outward, and, like an earthquake, it pushed the Hell knights back, obliterating them completely. Creating lumps of frost and ice and dust.

So that was what happened with the snow, Leonard thought, looking down under them. He was killing off the knights by turning them into snow.

The darkness returned then, and Leonard saw Jim- _James_ \- slump, rasping for air-

“It seems we’re almost out of power, little Jack Frost,” those onyx eyes practically glowered with happiness.

“What happened to Captain’s orders?” Jim wheezed, ignoring the dark enigma in front of them both. He knelt down next to Leonard, his eyes flickering between him and the Hell knights that were gathering again.

Leonard couldn’t speak; he opened his mouth, but he couldn’t speak. He was staring too hard; words wouldn’t form-

“Your hair is _fucking_ white.”

Jim chuckled, but the lack of air made him cough. His forehead grazed Leonard’s shoulder. “Yeah- I’ll explain later- I’ve got to stop-“

“My my my, Jack,” Pitch’s voice oozed through the darkness. Jim stiffened, looked up, and Leonard followed his friend’s eyes to that of the shadow standing off to their right. Leonard’s eyes grasped the shadow of his phaser; he grabbed it, aimed it. Pitch laughed. “It seems your friend wants to help.”

“Shut it, Pitch- he doesn’t have anything to do with this-“

“Oh, but he does, boy; it always comes back to Olduvai, doesn’t it?”

Jim answered by hurling another blast of cold, frigid air at the shadow, who dodged it easily. Leonard took a glimpse at his Captain, and felt the kid slump a little closer to the ground. He had disappeared well over five, maybe six, hours ago; the kid was literally spent from whatever… he was doing down here-

 _Probably fighting his way through the Hell army to get to this guy_ , Leonard reasoned, catching sight of the shadow that called itself Pitch-

“It seems that you’re all finished up, boy; that’s what happens when Moon picks a Guardian _like you_ ,” Pitch said. “Oh, wait, you were _never_ chosen.” The darkness spat the word, and even Leonard flinched from whatever intended meaning there was to be gained from the words.

“Yeah, well it’s not like I haven’t heard that one before, Pitch.”

Jim waved his hands together and shot the small ball straight into the sky. The white ball of air circulated and, diamond-like, grew outward over all their heads. Leonard shuddered when he felt the north wind blowing.

“Oh, are we calling the Guardians now, too?” Pitch asked. Jim grinned through the dark.

“Nope, we’re just calling all your buddies.”

Leonard froze- _buddies?!_ The Hell- “Jim-“

“Get behind me, Bones. I need as much cover as you can give me,” Jim ordered.

“Jim, we can’t kill off-“

“You won’t be able to defeat them, little Jack Frost,” Pitch cackled, and Leonard stilled when he felt Jim rise, coming to stand in front of Leonard, protecting him, even with the hazy wheeze of his breath against the silence. Slowly, Leonard stood, turned. He would have to trust him.

He had to-

Jim’s back rested against his, and he was shocked- there was warmth- heat- emanating from the kid’s body-

 _Fever?_ he wondered.

They didn’t have any time-

 Leonard could hear them coming. He raised his phaser, remembering offence, remembering to fight with everything in him, remembering the thrill of the substance roaring through his system.

They had no choice.

They had to kill them all.

That was the reason why Jim was here, he knew, why the experiment, presumed dead, was here.

_He was going to kill them all. Until Olduvai was a memory._

“Jack Frost?” he found himself saying. He felt Jim chuckle behind him.

“I have a lot of explaining to do, Bones, I know,” he replied, before the rising sweep of a cold, winter’s breeze shuffled through their clothes and rose upward to the sky above them. “Don’t worry; you’re gonna be fine. Promise.”

Leonard breathed out, breathed deep. Shit.

They came from out of nowhere, hundreds upon hundreds of them.

They were surrounded, and Leonard shot at anything that made it to a ten-foot radius between them. He felt blood scatter against his clothes, his face, but he shot and shot and shot, remembering Sam, remembering Sarge and the team-

Something pushed against his back, stabilising his weight, and Leonard felt coldness, then heat.

But he also felt reassurance; Jim was fighting, but Jim was still there, throwing whatever he had against everything that surrounded them-

A blast of white light surged against him, and Leonard lost his footing, but by then it was too late. The whole world around them was swallowed by an avalanche of snow and frost, a blast of searing, sub-zero temperatures- and he could feel Jim’s breaths against him as he pushed and pushed, and-

_“Don’t worry; you’re gonna be fine. Promise-“_

_“His name was James, and we killed him, John- Jesus- we murdered the child-“_

He wasn’t dead, though. James was here.

A single scream pierced the night, a scream tinged with darkness and despair.

Leonard didn’t look over his shoulder- he didn’t want to glimpse the fear he found in those eyes again-

The darkness swallowed them both, but he didn’t fear it. This darkness had Jim in it; this darkness was a balm, safe and comforting; there was no silence here.

Jim slumped against him, sinking down a little further. “Bones-“ he rasped, and Leonard turned, grasping the kid under his arms, feeling the rising heat against his palms-

The coldness of Jim’s skin was gone, going completely, and when Leonard saw the fading whiteness of the kid’s hair, he felt the kid’s shuddering breath. “Kid, we need to get back to Enterprise,” he said. Jim wheezed against the snow and ice under him, and Leonard narrowed in on it, that single, rasping breath-

“Kid? You okay?”

“Right pocket. Comm,” Jim wheezed again, his body tense as the strength literally left his body.

Leonard fished it out, taking in the kid’s fluttering eyelids as the silver in them flickered in and out of sight. “Kid- what’s happening to you-“

“Hurts-“ the kid rasped as he curled in on himself. The blue lighting died on the soldier uniform.

Leonard blinked before throwing himself into action, “McCoy to Spock,” he said to the comm unit, “Don’t care who the _fuck_ is listening, get us off the planet now- I have Jim-“

One minute they were planet-side, and the next they were bathed in white light and Chekov’s worried eyes were staring right down on them.

“Keptin-?” Chekov murmured, his eyes faltering off Leonard’s-

Leonard turned, and saw Jim, actually saw him- he-

He pulled on the kid’s clothes, tugged on the high collar and pushed his fingers against the feather-light, erratic pulse he found there; he flinched; a fever the likes of which Leonard had never felt before bloomed against Jim’s paler-than-snow skin. The kid furrowed his eyebrows and moaned into the floor; to him, Leonard probably felt ice-cold.

“Jim?” Leonard probed, his voice soft; he was relieved to hear the smallest of breaths in answer, but the folds of exhaustion overwhelmed the kid altogether; he was too far under the fever to hear anything. He draped an arm under the kid’s shoulder, pulling him up before he heard the kid mewl and pull against him. Leonard froze, watching as the kid started to shake and shudder.

He stopped. The experiment was reverting- that was how Sam had put it, wasn’t it-

 

oOo

 

_“It’s called reverting, when the human body takes over from the chemically-induced power. Any sustained damage, be it a drain to the super-human’s life source, or even the simplest of wounds, transfers over to the human body. If James were to use up all of his power, then that would mean that his body would go into shut-down, that he would have to be induced into coma in order to stabilise.”_

_“Jesus, Sam- that’s-“_

_“Barbaric?” Sam cocked an eyebrow at her brother, “I know. But James wasn’t supposed to actually fight; he wasn’t supposed to kill. The powers that be simply wanted to see what the human body was capable of, and I-“_

_John knew what she was going to say._

_“You just wanted him to have a home?”_

_Sam looked up into her brother’s eyes, “He reminded me so much of you.”_

_John swallowed, folded his hands in on themselves. It had been far too long; he never called her, never spoke to her, never even thought of her in all the years since the accident._

_“And what happened if his body reverted and there was no way of giving medical aid?”_

_“What happens if there is no medical treatment given to a body unable to sustain superhuman energy? It dies. Just like James did, saving us.”_

oOo

“I need a stretcher, now!” Leonard called out. Chekov nodded, bounding out of the transporter room as Sulu and the crew ran in. “Get all the medical staff in Intensive prepped and ready before the kid goes into-“

Uhura fell to her knees just as he felt it-

Jim slumped in his arms-

The kid stopped breathing-

_Jim wasn’t breathing-_

“Shit-“ Leonard started, as Uhura opened her mouth, her hands flying wildly over Jim’s lifeless body- “I’m starting CPR-“

He started pumping the kid’s chest, pounding straight down onto his ribcage. Dimly aware of Sulu shouting out for breathing apparatus. Dimly aware of Spock soothing Uhura as he pulled her back from her place by Jim-

Leonard didn’t hear the medical team arrive- he didn’t hear Chekov calling his name- he didn’t hear-

_It. Dies._

_It. Dies._

_It. Dies._

_It. Dies._

Shit.

Shit. No.

No-

The kid wasn’t breathing- wasn’t- breathing-

“Jim- don’t- you- _dare_ -“

He couldn’t feel a pulse- he still couldn’t-

“Leonard-“ Uhura was saying, but Leonard couldn’t hear it-

He was too busy staring into the eyes of a scared child all those years ago-

His heart fucking tore itself in two when he remembered.

_It. Dies._

No-

“Jim, no- don’t do this- don’t-“

A pair of arms pulled him back, forceful, frantic.

He was shouting, but he couldn’t hear what he was saying- he couldn’t-

The kid’s lifeless face was turned on his side, facing him, closed eyes and closed lips and-

He remembered the warp core.

Jim sacrificed himself then too.

_“Don’t worry; you’re gonna be fine. Promise-“_

Shit-

“Hey- John - calm the hell down, would ya?”

Leonard stopped when he heard the thick drawl of an Australian accent. What-

He looked up toward a pair of bark-brown, hazel-green eyes. “Jesus, finally, kid- you’re heavy as fuck.” The Australian unwrapped his arms from around his chest, before gesturing over his shoulder. “Tooth, go get the kid before Sandman has a heart attack on us.”

Leonard blinked when he saw another black uniform step into his line of vision, hair bright red and eyes a magnetic shade of green. “Sure thing!” she chuckled, winking at the man next to him.

“What the-“

“Don’t worry one bit, John; we got this,” the red-haired woman said, the stripes of her soldier uniform a dazzling teal. She waved a finger, pointing out every single crew member that stood on the pad watching her. “Wow, Jack’s sure got a lot of friends now, doesn’t he?”

“Tooth, lass, we don’t have a lot of time,” the man replied. “The kid will be halfway to Moon before you grab him.”

“Sure, sure, Bunny,” Tooth said, and Leonard narrowed his eyes- Bunny? He looked up to the man above him still, then stopped. Wait. The man- he was- he had the same suit as Jim, as Tooth-

They knew Jim.

“Okay girls, let’s do this,” Tooth said, clicking her fingers as a dazzling array of multi-coloured kingfishers- or what Leonard thought were kingfishers- suddenly appeared from thin-air. He blinked, and she pointed to Jim’s still form, the kingfishers darting toward him, lighting him up in greens and reds and blues, showering the crew’s faces in rainbows and starfire.

A second passed. Two. Jim’s body glowed, fever-red and cool green.

“Got him- jeez, he wasn’t much of a challenge this time,” Tooth murmured, and Leonard found her eyes- they were shining, bright and furious with the heat of summer. She blinked. “Ah, so he **did** call us- he was waiting.”

_Call them?_

Leonard stilled; the snow he sent up into the air- and Pitch, saying-

_“Oh, are we calling the Guardians now, too?”_

Tooth blinked, stepped back, and the lights, the colour show, everything, suddenly disappeared. Leonard squinted, refocusing on the weirdness of what was after happening-

The kingfishers were gone, disintegrated to dust.

In the empty silence, Jim lurched, gasping a rattling lungful of air, his hands spasming against the transporter floor.

Leonard crawled back to him, pulling at the black jacket, shrugging the goddamn thing off as Jim struggled to breathe-

“Give me the ventilator- set it to one-hundred-“ he started, before it was shoved into his hand. He pulled the mask over Jim’s face, and rested his palm against the heated skin of Jim’s bare chest. Suddenly, the kid’s breaths softened, relaxed, and with each breath he took, Leonard felt the tension leave his body.

Jesus Christ, he was fine.

He started breathing again, looking up to the kid’s softened expression as he breathed in, deeper, deeper again.

The kid was asleep.

James, Jim, Jack- whoever he was- Jesus Christ, it didn’t matter-

Jim was okay.

He was alive-

It was Uhura’s voice that filled the silence of Leonard’s relief when she suddenly turned to the two soldiers and said, “Who in ‘Fleet’s name are you supposed to be?”


	4. three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used:
> 
> Elizabeth: Hans Zimmer.  
> You Are a Memory: Message to Bears.  
> My Name is Max: Tom Holkenburg.

_“James?” Sam whispers, fumbling through the half-darkness of the laboratory._

_“Sam?” James ventures, “Where are you? The lights went out- I’m scared-“_

_Sam reaches out for James’s hands, and she feels his fingers clasp around her wrists, tight and warm, pulling him toward her. Her heart throbs for him. The knights are coming. It is too late. Already, John and the Squad are closing off the inner doors, and once they get to the outer rings, there would be no escape._

_Kill the evidence._

_Sam grits her teeth._

_She has an order, dictated by none other than her brother’s head officer, but she can’t follow through on it._

_Something sits wrong on her skin when she looks at the officer; she does not like him._

_She pulls on James through the glass, holds him tight and close. “James, Pitch escaped, and it’s brought out all of it’s armies to destroy every single one of the humans left on the station.”_

_James fumbles, climbs up her arms and looks directly into her face. He blinks, and in the shadows, she sees his eyes flicker a silver shadow. He is reverting. His skin is glowing, faint, but still there, and the coldness of his skin blazes like fire through her coat._

_She tightens her hold on him. “James, you can find your way back, can’t you? You’ve been trained to do that, to go back to earth,” she presses._

_James shakes his head. “Not without you.”_

_“James, you_ have _to go. They’ll come for you. They’re going to kill you otherwise-“_

_“I want to fight it-“_

_“No!” Sam screams. “No way in hell are you fighting Pitch- no, you are going home, that’s an order-“  
“Sam, I don’t have a home, remember?” James tries to sound brave, but she hears it, the unmistakeable tremor of fear, of loneliness, in his voice. She flinches. “I’m staying; I’m the only way you’re going to get back to earth-“_

_“James,” she stutters. “Jesus Christ, no-“_

_The experiment has powers, but goddamnit, those powers have never been used, tested- not like this, not like a Guardian’s-_

_Jesus, James can’t fight- he is only nine years old-_

_A red light flashes above their heads; distantly, Sam hears the warning screams of the soldiers fighting the Hell knights- the gunshots became louder-_

_“Reaper! Where the fuck is your sister?” thunders down the hall, into the laboratory, and Sam turns to face the open door, where she can see it, the flashes of gunfire and the screams and shouts of downed men- dying men- screaming men-_

_“Shit- James-“ she turns back, but she is holding cold, dry air-_

_James is gone._

_“James?” she calls, but she knew that the child wouldn’t answer her, not now._

_Her heart sinks, and she calls his name again-_

 

oOo

 

 

The steady whir of the heart monitor kept Chekov awake as he watched the Captain sleeping.

He had seen the report their CMO had given; he’d also seen the dead planet under them, all buried under the snow and frost that-

Chekov blinked.

Was their Captain really _him_ …?

His grandmother told stories when he was a child, when he was bored waiting for papa and mama to come home; Jack Frost was real, she would say, and he always brought the winter’s chill for the North Wind, for Santa, for _Christmas_ , for the children who longed for days off school, for the children who _believed_. The magic of it all, back then, seemed so real, and he knew, _God_ , he _knew_ that there was more truth to the stories than met the eye.

Chekov remembered the frosty weather; he remembered staring out at the feet of snow that tumbled down from out of nowhere during that cold December. He remembered clambering up to the glass window and staring out at the darkness, waiting for his parents, waiting on baited breath for the beginning of Christmas, and he remembered the lights outside, his grandmother’s wail of fear, of hearing about the accident, about the two parents that were still trapped underneath the snow and frost, chilled to the bone and unable to get out under the snow, under the lorry that ploughed right through it-

He also remembered the man dressed in blue and white, the man who tapped his fingers against the glass pane when his grandmother was speaking to the police, and he remembered the man with white hair pointing to the front door, a finger on his lips and a small smile painted there- _“Shh, don’t tell!”-_ pointing to where he saw his parents, standing, blanketed in a bright-red shawl, confusion on their faces when they were asked how they, miraculously, survived- how they even managed to get out of the car-

Chekov knew, even then, at eight years of age, that they couldn’t have survived, that the car they were driving in was too wrecked, buried under all those feet of heavy snow, to survive the impact of the truck that barrelled right into it, and years later, he remembered his parents saying that they weren’t sure how they tumbled out of the car-

_“Just one minute the police were there… and then, the next minute, the police were gone, and it was cold, and there was… someone… we were able to get out, and then we were here, standing right in front of you… in front of the house…”_

“It must’ve been Jack,” Chekov murmured as he watched the Captain sleep. “He brought them home.”

 The very knowledge of it made him uneasy.

He wasn’t sure what, _how_ , to feel about it.

That the Captain was there, when he was nothing more than a child…

He wondered if he’d always been there, watching over them, watching over the entire crew…

Watching over all of the children who _believed_.

 

oOo

 

 

“I don’t give a shit as to _who_ they are,” Leonard growled, his arms folded as he surveyed the two soldiers standing on the Bridge. “I’m more interested in understanding what the _fuck_ they are.”

The whole crew turned to face him, shocked at his language. Jesus, he didn’t care. Leonard wasn’t really here, now. After he stabilised the Captain, left him with Chekov in Medbay, finalised his report- nothing serious to record, _thank fuck_ \- he was now in soldier-mode and didn’t give a shit.

He had no choice, when fifty years passed and he hadn’t aged much beyond ten years. He had decided then that he needed to go into hiding, change his identity, re-make himself.

Leonard was who he created; but Leonard could easily disappear when Reaper needed to step out.

Uhura blinked when he spoke, and the redhead- _“Call me Tooth- I talk ninety-to-the-dozen!”-_ and the Australian- _“Everyone calls me Bunny, mate, but I assure you I sure as hell ain’t an oversized rabbit”-_ both turned to take in the defensive stance he’d adopted. He was still wearing his black uniform; all three of them looked like they were cut from the same Tactical Squad.

Sulu narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

Tooth smiled. “You know who we are, John, don’t you?”

“His name’s Leonard,” Scotty pointed out. “Doctor McCoy if you’d be so kind, lass.”

Tooth ignored him.

It was Sam who had told him- _“We were just doing our job- we never meant to put James in a situation where he had to fight, where he had to prove himself. We already knew that he had powers, that he could use them- we were trying to keep him safe-“_

“I have no clue as to who you are, but I’ve an inkling as to what you are,” Leonard growled, “A long time ago, someone filled me in, said something about powers, about meddling with the fucking Gods or something- seriously, you fucking left _him_ , left Jim, to his own devices? That kid should be back on earth, for Chrissakes; he should be there _right now_ -“

“Hey, mate, chill,” Bunny shoved his hands up, but the warning in them was clear. He stepped forward, but Uhura pushed herself forward, sticking herself between the two of them.

“Right,” she said, “We’re going to start from the beginning, and take it from there.”

“I quite agree with you, Lieutenant,” Spock murmured, “It seems that we have all been kept out of the loop here, with special regard to _our_ Captain.” The emphasis on the word ‘our’ was made clear, and Tooth cocked an eyebrow at him as she sat herself down in the Captain’s seat.

Scotty scoffed in the background, and he folded his arms at the soldier’s insolence. The tension suddenly ricocheted up a half-mile, and Leonard felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise.

“Okay, first thing’s first- _you_ don’t have clearance, and _he_ -“ she pointed to Leonard, “-doesn’t have permission to give information.” She grinned at Leonard. “Sorry, but if we tell, then-“

“ _Bullshit_ ,” Uhura turned to face Tooth, who flinched at the word, “ **Fuck you** and your supposed authority- our Captain is on a bed because of whatever the fuck happened down on that planet- what in God’s name were those creatures that came after two of our men, and **why** -“ she gestured to the view everyone had of the planet in front of them, “-does that entire planet look like _Hell_ froze over, when mere **hours** ago it was specified a desert planet?”

The snow under them was whiter than anything anyone had ever seen; if Leonard turned off the lights on Bridge, the bloody planet would light up like a fucking Christmas tree. Tooth watched the planet, and her expression turned grim.

“He is more powerful now,” she said, her voice distant.

Sulu stiffened, because he knew that she meant their Captain.

“When we took him in, he was only nine years old, and he was able to freeze the surface of Mars- now… Jesus, I think he actually **destroyed** that planet altogether.”

“Along with anything that may have hinted at Pitch’s whereabouts,” Bunny muttered. “Well, there are no more Hell knights now, that’s for sure.”

“What now?” Sulu said, “The doctor mentioned the presence of another one of you down there-“

“Pitch,” Bunny replied. “A creature born of darkness and all our wildest fears. Jack may have been the cause of the dead planet, but another creature got there before him, judging from the presence of those monsters.”

“Right, that’s all peachy and whatnot- but what in ‘Fleet’s name are _ye_ supposed to be, and what does it have to do with our Captain?” Scotty pointed to the two of them, eyes narrowed. Tooth smiled.

“We can’t disclose-“ she started, before Leonard stepped toward her. She turned, catching his eye.

_“Don’t worry; you’re gonna be fine. Promise-“_

“Please,” he murmured, looking deep into her eyes. “ _Please_. I know what Jim might be, and I’ve a feeling that I know who you are, but what I need to know is _why_ you left him, _why_ you let him wander alone; he was experiment Frost, and you all know that; _I_ thought that he _died_ on Mars, died protecting Sam and me.”

Tooth’s mouth opened, but she shut it. She was cornered, caught.

“Kid, it’s a very long story,” Bunny said. “Do you really want to know the long-winded truth of it?”

Leonard nodded. “Putting red tape on it won’t make a difference. I’ve got patience, and enough years behind me to stand by that fact. Tell me the whole thing. I need to know; Sam never understood what the experiments were meant for-“

“John,” Tooth said, breaking his sentence, and he caught her eye as she said, seriously, solemnly, “The experiments had no purpose, because mankind never realised that the man you call Jim, the boy we remember as James Kirk is, was, always shall be, the _real_ Jack Frost.”

Leonard blinked.

_Oh._

The kid was being serious. Long story his ass; this genuinely meant that Sam was wrong, that the experiments that she thought they were carrying out weren’t-

Humans didn’t create Jack Frost. He was already there.

He swallowed. Sam had lived an entire lie.

Jesus.

He stepped back.

“I’m sorry, but I fail to understand the reasoning behind your logic,” Spock said, “You say that our Captain is the living embodiment of-“

“Jack Frost,” Leonard said, remembering the white hair and the silver eyes and the-

_“Anyone let Jack on the Bridge?”_

Jesus, the kid was-

He fisted his palms.

“Jim is Jack Frost,” he said, looking back up to the two soldiers in front of him. “Tooth. Bunny. Is that a fucking hint?” he asked.

The two soldiers looked between them, then smiled at Leonard.

“Holy shit,” Sulu muttered. “I _really_ didn’t see that one coming.”

 

 

oOo

 

 

_When Jim wakes up he is standing on Tarsus, and he knows that it isn’t real because the real Jack Frost is standing right in front of him, staff in hand, a crooked grin in place. He is dreaming, but this dream seems all the more real._

_“Hey, James,” Jack says, and Jim looks down at his arms, noting the sleeves of his gold command uniform._

_“It isn’t James anymore,” he replies, and Jack cocks his head to the side._

_“Well, that_ was _your name, wasn’t it?”_

_Jim looks up._

_“I don’t deserve a name, do I? It was you who should’ve survived. Not me. You shouldn’t have given any of your powers to me, you-”_

_The sadness in his voice carries over on the wind, and Jack flinches from the pain in Jim’s voice. “Hey, kid-“_

_“I’m sorry you died because of me, but I’ll always believe in you,” Jim says, but when he looks up, Jack has disappeared, and the sun that rests along the horizon blinds his eyes. His heart wrenches in two, because he knows that this was not what was supposed to happen._

_It was James who was supposed to die, back then._

_Jack Frost should never have scattered his power to the winds, to the stars._

_James, Jim- Jesus, who cares? Neither of them deserve to live._

 

oOo

 

 

“I think it might be best to head straight for Earth,” Bunny said, uncrossing his arms as Tooth stood up. She nodded, once.

“Sandman’ll need to see to Jack before we settle everything,” she said.

Leonard narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean, _Sandman_ will need to see Jim?”

Tooth looked at him, a small smile on her face, “Sandman, North, Moon; they’re waiting for us to tell them what happened with Jack out here; we’ll transport the Enterprise back to our base before debriefing you and taking you back out into the black.”

Scotty snorted. “Whoa, lassie- before you even think of doing something like that, you need to know that we work for Starfleet; we’ve got _our_ mission, and secondly, _if_ we were to turn right around, you do know that it’ll take us _two years_ to get back to Earth, even at warp?”

Tooth grinned a knowing smile. “Don’t worry about the whole Starfleet issue; secondly, we can do it in ten.”

“Ten months?” Sulu said. Tooth shook her head.

“Ten _seconds_ more like,” Bunny grunted before tapping his foot impatiently. “Jesus, ten months? Mate, I’ve been hopping since time memorial, and you think it’ll take me _ten months_ to get this ship home? What do you take me for? A fucking tram-line?”

“Actually, a rab-” Sulu started, before Leonard put a hand up to stop him.

“Don’t,” he said, casting his eyes over the crew. “Why does your Sandman need to look at Jim?”

Tooth smirked, cocking her head to the side. “I brought him back from the dead, John.” Leonard nodded, quenching the same budding fear whenever he heard Jim’s name mentioned. “Whenever a Guardian loses its powers, it dissolves and scatters until it regains its energy again. Jack’s locked in a heavy sleep right now and won’t wake up for a long time unless Sandman digs him out of his dreams. It happened on Olduvai; that’s the reason why you didn’t know anything more about your friend; he fell into a sleep so deep that it took weeks for Sandman, even for North, to pull him out.”

Leonard gritted his teeth. “He can’t just wake up naturally?”

Tooth shook her head. “For a Guardian, that’s impossible.”

“A Guardian?” Spock asked.

Bunny nodded, “Tooth, myself, North, Sandman, Moon - we’re all Guardians of the Earth. Jack is the only one of us who can call himself a Guardian of outer space, though,” he grinned at Tooth.

“What, because he’s Captain of a star ship?” Uhura said, her tone almost challenging.

“ _No_ ,” Tooth answered, as she clicked her fingers. A kingfisher the size of her hand appeared to her right, gold eyes gleaming against a green and red coat. “Baby, let them know we’re on our way- have the Bay set up for us, okay?”

Baby nodded, once, before disappearing into thin air.

“Jack is the only one among us whose powers can extend beyond Earth; he doesn’t need Moon for his magic,” Bunny said.

Uhura squinted. “I don’t understand,” she said.

“We’ll explain more when we get back to Earth,” Tooth said. “For now, let’s just get Jim back to Earth. Shoot,” she said, nodding at Bunny.

“Right.” He cracked his knuckles as he unwound his folded arms.

The purple haze of lights on his chest-plate suddenly glowed a bright lilac, and Leonard stepped back as his feet were swallowed by circles upon circles of growing, glowing lights. He looked down, and blanched.

He could see _through_ the ship. He could see the snow-covered planet under the ship. He could see the stars and the dust-purple clouds and the galaxies that stretched for hundreds upon thousands of miles in all directions.

_Shit._

“I cannae believe my-“

“You can say that again,” Sulu muttered to Scotty.

The whole ship became transparent, filled with the light and colour of the stars; Leonard closed his eyes against it, dimly made out the silhouettes of both Tooth and Bunny. He felt Uhura grab his shoulder and cling on-

They _dropped._

Leonard opened his eyes and found darkness, and they were falling, and he could hear Scotty screaming-

His legs gave out under him, but he caught his fall the second they hit hard floor.

He looked up and found Bunny holding the still-sleeping Jim in his arms, while Tooth held a stunned Chekov’s shoulder. She grinned at the fumbling Russian, “You okay?”

The Russian blinked. “Da, I think,” he said. “What-“

Leonard looked up, and found the white lights of a hangar high above his head. Behind him, the Enterprise was docked, sitting comfortably and waiting for her next mission. He swallowed. “Where are we?” he asked, “Are the rest of Enterprise on the ship- there were others-“

“Don’t worry,” a deep, rumbling voice issued from behind him. “Knowing Sandman, everyone who is a member of Enterprise are all sound asleep, with no recollection of whatever may have happened while you were preoccupied with your Captain. In fact, they’ll probably stay asleep until we’re finished our business here.”

Leonard heard Uhura gasp.

“Sweet baby _Jesus_ -“ Scotty ground out.

Leonard turned to face the voice. He blinked.

“Who are you?” he said, because _if_ this was actually happening, if this was actually real…

There was _no way_ **he** could’ve escape death- there was some sort of clause- _had to be_ -

There were no survivors after the _USS Kelvin_ ; he couldn’t-

“If you’re this surprised to see me, wait ‘til you find out who Moon and Sandman really are,” George Kirk replied, a winking grin on his face, “But you all can call me North; Santa Claus, if you’d prefer.”


	5. four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used:
> 
> The Summoning: Linkin Park.  
> Holy: PVRIS.  
> Beauty Awakens The Soul to Act: Hans Zimmer.

_On Tarsus, James holds his dad’s hand before he lets it go._

_“Are you sure, son? You don’t actually have to stay with your Aunt and Uncle, you know.”_

_James looks up, “I’m not a Guardian,” he says, his face scrunching up. “Not like you, or Tooth, or Bunny.”_

_“But we both know that that isn’t true,” George smiles as he crouches down in front of his son. The red coat he wears stretches over his tall frame. He points at James’s chest. “We both know there’s something locked deep in there.”_

_James’s eyes flicker; silver gleams deep down._

_It’s not time, though. Not yet._

_“But it’s not like yours,” he says. “I’m not like the others. I’m not strong enough.”_

_George narrows his eyes, and the edges of his son’s fears peak through the tilt of his head. “Who said that to you?” he asks._

_James steps away. “No one.”_

_But George knows better; his son has been speaking to the darkness, and the darkness has given itself a name._

_He reaches for his son’s shoulders, grips it with the strength of all the years he has survived as Father Christmas, as the bringer of joy and happiness to children both young and old, and he stares right into James’s eyes, and he says, “You are much stronger than me, son. You have everything of me in you, just as you have everything of your mother in you; you are the best of us, and you are the best of you, and because of that, you are so much better than either your mother or I. Always,_ always _remember that. We both love you so,_ so _much, and you make us so_ proud _, every_ single _day.”_

_James sniffs. “I want to be stronger,” he says. “I want you to be proud of me.”_

_George smiles, “You already are stronger, and I’ve always been proud of you, son; don’t ever let Pitch tell you otherwise, do you understand? Never, ever let the darkness tell you that you aren’t good enough, when you already carry so much light in you.”_

_James blinks away the tears, and he crushes his body against his dad’s, wrapping his arms tight around the man he loved with every fibre of his being. “I’m going to stay with Auntie Sarah and Uncle Mike,” he says, “Because you’ve got work to do.” The softness of his son’s voice tears at every single part of George’s heart._

_“Son, my work isn’t as important as you,” George cradles his son’s face, “My work will_ never _be more important than you.” Moon be fucking damned, he thinks. James scrunches his face up._

_“Yeah, but you’ve got all the children of Earth,” he says, “But that’s okay- the needs of the many, remember, dad?”_

_George swallows, remembering his wife’s words before she passed away. She died in her sleep, thank the moon for it, but he still missed her even after these two years._

_“Jesus, son, you weigh more than the few,” George says. “And always more than the many. Always.”_

 

oOo

 

 

“So, where’s this Sandman dude?” Sulu piped up as the crew and Guardians moved across the large hanger toward a wide, silver-grey hallway that looked more decked out for army purposes than it did anything else. “And are we really on Earth? Where-“

“Firstly, Sandman will probably be with Moon up in Medical,” Tooth chirped. “And if you want to know our exact co-ordinates, how about we try North Pole, just because that’s the simplest-“

“Ve’re at the North Pole?” Chekov stuttered, “As in, ve’re here- at Santa’s-“

George turned around- goddamnit, Leonard refused to call him fucking _North_ \- and winked a smile. “Sure we are, kid. We’re at _Santa’s headquarters_ ,” he intoned, and if the Russian ever looked sucker-punched….

“It sure as hell ain’t _your_ headquarters, North,” Bunny drawled, and Tooth giggled.

“It’s almost Christmas,” Uhura suddenly said. “Shouldn’t you be…” She blinked, confused, gesturing with her hands to the general silence of the hangar.

George laughed. “Don’t worry; it’s December seventh; we’re starting work as of midnight tomorrow- hence the silent hallways,” he gestured out around him. “Trust me, this place is busy. Usually.” The wink and sparkle in his eyes reminded Spock of their Captain’s eyes; there, he could easily determine the resemblance between both father and son.

“So, what happens now?” Leonard growled, eyeing Jim’s still body across Bunny’s chest, his face tucked into the tall man’s broad shoulder. The doctor in him could barely see the kid _breathe_.

The sleep was deep alright.

“I’ll get the kid settled first, then we’ll discuss matters further,” George said.

“The kid?” Leonard spat. “Don’t you mean your son?”

George blanched at the fire in Leonard’s voice, before he softened. “I’m sorry,” he said, his tone gentle and completely unlike the hard tone of the man who single-handedly saved those aboard the _USS Kelvin_. “I meant no harm; James knows we nickname him ‘kid’- when he wakes up, ask him. He’ll tell you so himself.”

“So you know your son, even though Jim has never spoken of you to us?” Uhura murmured.

George nodded, “Jim, as he seems to want to be called now, knew that I didn’t die, and so did Winona; you see, I was already a Guardian before the Kelvin incident. We’re kinda… superpowered, you know? We don’t die as easily, not unless our powers are severely drained. That was why I stayed behind, and helped,” George smiled. “Truly, Winona knew, as did James, that I was alive; I met them regularly between my duties as Guardian. I love my son with every single fibre of my being,” he added. “And let me tell you, as a Guardian of wonder, belief and magic, I cannot lie.”

Leonard softened, but not because of George’s tone.

His eyes were the same as Jim’s; their expressiveness spoke more truth than mere words ever could. George stared deep into Leonard’s eyes, and Leonard saw Jim, saw every inch of the man his best friend would become when they all got out of whatever fairy-tale they managed to end up in. He nodded at North. Fine. He’d accept him. For now.

“If you want, Tooth can bring you to our meeting room-“ Bunny added, but Sulu was the one to cut him off.

“Nope. We’re going where our Captain goes.”

Bunny blanched at his forwardness, but he recovered fast, and narrowed his eyes at the helmsman.

“There’s a long backstory to this,” Leonard said, stepping close to Sulu and staring down the Australian. “Does anyone care to explain?”

George nodded, even when Tooth opened her mouth to protest.

“It’s fair,” he said, “Given what my son has done to protect you down through the years, John.”

A single tremor of unease rippled underneath Leonard’s skin. _What?_

“What do you mean?” he asked.

George’s eyes were unwavering; they throbbed with a fierceness that Leonard knew all too well. “The last survivor of the Olduvai incident. You don’t actually think that ‘Fleet didn’t know about the C-24, did you?”

“What the fuck does ‘Fleet have to do with what’s in _my_ body-“ he started, before he was cut off by another voice, another familiar voice, one he hadn’t heard in over two hundred bloody years-

“Because, John, our mission involves protecting every single last organism in this galaxy, both child and adult alike,” Samantha called out. Leonard turned and saw the swish of a white coat and familiar, gleaming-blue eyes. She blinked as she walked down the hall toward them. “And we both know that the C-24 that caused your body to evolve has also allowed you to become superhuman.”

She came to a stop in front of him. Watched him, the _I’m-so-sorry_ written all over her eyes.

He had no words.

No fucking words.

He stepped back.

“She seems nice,” Sulu murmured, and Leonard was caught by the memories-

“She’s my sister,” he heard himself say, and he blinked, and Olduvai was there- they were standing there-

_“Hello John.”_

_“Hello… Samantha.”_

“You died,” he said, here, now. God, _his_ voice- “Two hundred years ago.”

Samantha nodded, here, now. She looked over to Jim, frowned.

“And you died,” she answered. “Two hundred years ago. Yeah, sure, I did die. You came back. I came back. And now, we’re both here.”

Leonard shook his head. His sister. His sister was _standing_ right here. **_Alive._**

She wasn’t dead. The journey back to Earth after Olduvai didn’t kill her; the crash landing on Earth didn’t kill her, and her body wasn’t torn to the same shreds he still held in his hands some nights when the drink wouldn’t numb the darkest places in his mind and heart.

And if that was true, then he knew what that meant. She wasn’t _just_ his sister, not anymore.

He had no right to know about her new life.

Or the fact that she still hadn’t aged a day since Olduvai.

_God._

She was _still_ the same Sam as she was back then. Nothing changed. Not even the coat.

He opened his mouth but the words wouldn’t come out and he could feel the eyes of the entire crew watching him.

 _Protecting_ him, wasn’t that what he said?

That was what Jim was doing, since _Olduvai_?

 _Protecting_ him.

Jesus.

He was a mess.

“Why do you call yourself Leonard, John?” Samantha asked, her voice searching, soft, and the crew became silent, the world surrounding them became silent, and he was quiet, because it still wasn’t quite sinking in. She was here; she was alive and breathing and safe-

“James did the same thing,” Sam gestured to Jim, “When he became Jack… He changed his name, too. _‘Just Jim’_ he always said. Were you both afraid?” she added, no accusations in her tone, no surety, no anger.

He whispered, “I changed because I was ashamed.”

Olduvai was a dark place, and even with the C-24, he knew that wouldn’t have made it out; the substance itself was made for heightened senses only, and even though he was able to fight, and fight _well_ …

He just couldn’t do it, not after all the death he’d seen. Sure, Jim had been in danger, but bare-handed, Leonard knew that he was useless. Sam had injected him with C-24, but he wasn’t able to protect her; he had no weapon, he had no way of getting them out of there when the kid had appeared back then; fuck, he wasn’t just afraid, he was _downright terrified._

He clamped his lips shut. No more. He couldn’t say anything more. Already, his heartbeat stuttered, punching every last breath out of his body. Fuck. She was alive. She was right here, she was alive, and-

What did that make _him_ , and the last two hundred years of _his_ life?

“If it makes any difference, I’m still ashamed,” Sam murmured, “I also had to change my name.”

Leonard looked up. “Can I still call you Sam?” he murmured. She grinned.

“Can I still call you John?”

He smiled, soft. “Of course,” he whispered. “So, are you Sandman?” he added.

Sam grinned wider. “Nope. I’m head of all operations. You’re looking right at Moon itself.”

Leonard blanched completely.

“What does that mean?” he asked.

Sam shrugged, “Frost controls all things cold, Bunny can transport himself and added goods, Tooth can pretty much bring back the dead, depending on certain circumstances, North is more or less a magician,” she nodded to each of them in turn. She raised a hand, and a tongue of fire spread up from between her fingers, “All the elements,” she added, “Are mine.”

“Well, that’s all freaking nice and sweet, but I’m still as confused as fuck, so can someone explain everything to me now?” Scotty grumbled, “Jesus, I work with computers, _not_ fucking fairy tales and human beings.”

Spock cocked an eyebrow at the engineer, “Pardon the assumption, Mr Scott, but more than half the group present are all hu-“

“Shut it, smartass,” Scotty grumbled.

“Who’s Sandman?” Leonard asked Sam. She cocked her eyebrow. “Tell me before we meet him,” he added, “No more surprises, Sam.”

She opened her mouth and one name fell out, and everything Leonard thought he knew about Starfleet, every single mission they ever completed under Jim, changed completely.

“Pike.”

 

oOo

 

Bunny settled Jim’s body in Medbay, his arms pulling out from the still, seemingly small body he carried. Tooth and North both stood off to the side, their arms crossed, and Sam stood next to Leonard, both of them the closest to Jim. The kid didn’t move, and it almost seemed to Leonard that he wasn’t breathing at all, his black uniform loose at the neck.

The crew stood or sat close by.

Sam tapped Leonard’s elbow. “He looks like death, but the sleep is just deep, that’s all.”

“How long does it take for the Keptin to come up from the sleep?” Chekov asked. Tooth turned to look at the Russian.

“Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes a few hours. It depends on the situation, really- ah, Sandy!” she called out, and Leonard turned to find Christopher Pike standing to attention at the Medbay doors. He took in the entire crew, blinked, then focused entirely on Leonard.

“Well,” he said, at a loss for words.

“The feeling is mutual, Captain Pike,” Spock answered.

“We all thought you were dead,” Uhura said, her voice coming up from behind Leonard. He jumped; he didn’t realise that she was so close behind him.

“I was,” Pike said, stepping a little further into the bay and taking in the sight of Jim between Leonard and Sam. “And then I came back. Moon over there had something to do with it.” Sam scoffed.

“Actually, it was more Tooth’s idea than mine, but whatever,” Sam intoned. “More important things lying right here, Sandy.” She gestured to the bed.

Pike breathed deep, the sight of Jim, motionless, stirring him to silence.

“Captain, I felt your life leave your body,” Spock said. “We all believed that you were dead.”

Pike looked at Spock, and had the decency to look ashamed.

“We were your crew, Keptin,” Chekov said. The Russian looked more upset than any of them.

“I know,” Pike murmured. “And for all of that, I truly am sorry.”

“Does Jim know?” Sulu asked, his eyes expressionless.

Pike shook his head. “He was on his mission with Enterprise, and we never heard from him since, not even before Krall,” he answered. Pike looked Leonard in the eye, and as he stepped forward toward the bed, a splattering of golden dust issued from each of his fingertips, spreading outward, ghosting over the floor and climbing up the bed and nestling all around Jim’s form. The dust glowed, each grain of it washing like rain over Jim’s form, spurring deep into Jim’s skin.

Seconds turned to minutes. Pike stilled.

“There,” Pike breathed, and Leonard heard it, between each beat of his pounding heart- the frail, delicate sound of a breath, followed by the deeper rhythm of Jim’s breathing pattern. It sounded to him like a dormant shadow had come up from its thousand-year dreams; a light flicker of snow fluttered over the heads of everyone in the room, and Chekov bounced on his feet when he reached out and felt the coldness of the snow grace his fingertips.

“He’s up,” Pike breathed. “Just sleeping under the surface, where he should be.”

As Pike spoke, Jim turned, curled in on his side facing Leonard, and Leonard watched him, a small smile of relief washing over his face. The kid snuffled, then curled in a little closer to the bed, relaxed.

“Well, _that’s_ just adorable,” Sulu muttered. Scotty snorted.

“He’ll wake up soon, and when he does, he’ll be as groggy as hell,” Pike said, and the golden dust retracted, seeped back down from the bed and onto the floor, ghosting back along the white tiles and up into Pike’s outstretched palms. “His powers won’t regenerate until he’s had a few weeks to recover. It looks like we won’t be having a full frost this year, North.”

“Ah, we stopped having full frosts when Jack left for space anyways,” Bunny said. George grinned.

“Hey, I can create snow,” George grinned, and Tooth scoffed.

“Jesus, you call last year’s _inkling_ over Northern Spain _snow_?”

George knitted his eyebrows, “Tooth, that was my first stop-“

“Oh, don’t you start,” she rolled her eyes. “We all know you had one hell of a _sneeze_ over Australia and it screwed up the rest of the world.”

Bunny squinted, “What the hell does a ‘sneeze’ mean to you, Tooth?”

Tooth cocked her eyebrow, “Wouldn’t you want to know, Bunny dearest?”

A feeling akin to peace settled over Leonard. His heart stopped pounding so fast; the kid was safe. He was okay.

_“-Promise-“_

“Space,” he murmured, “So Jack Frost only ever operates in space?” he asked.

Tooth cleared her throat, the bickering between the Guardians forgotten.

“Okay, now here’s something I want answered,” Uhura said. George looked over his shoulder to her. “What exactly are you?”

“Gods?” Scotty pushed. “ ‘Cause, quite frankly, I’ve seen a lot in all the years we’ve travelled through space, and I’ve never- _ever_ \- seen any of this weird… _stuff_ before.” He gestured to the entire group standing before them.

“And the creatures on that planet back there- vhat exactly vere they?” Chekov asked. “Our Keptin saved the doctor from them-“

“Forget that- what exactly _is_ Pitch, Sam?” Leonard asked, turning to face his sister. “You have to tell me. I need to know that.”

She nodded. “Fine. We’ll answer everything you ask, but I think everyone needs to sit down first. This is a very, very long story.” She gestured to Jim. “He’s completely out of danger now. He’ll just sleep until he’s ready to wake up, so don’t worry about him.”

Leonard pursed his lips. “He done the exact same thing as he did back then, Sam. Just stepped right out-“

“It’s what we do now, John,” Sam answered. “We protect, we save, we do everything in our power to make sure that no one gets hurt. James, then, was doing what he always done.” Her eyes never wavered from his, “Protecting _us_.”

 

oOo

 

“Lieutenant Uhura,” George said as everyone settled down in a meeting room with a ridiculously long table, “We are Guardians, and have been Guardians in and out of the years in which we were made to be who we are; our sole mission is to protect the children of the planet we all call Earth. We ensure the safety of every child, whether they be young or old at heart.”

Uhura nodded, as if it made sense.

 _Lucky for her_ , Leonard thought; to him, this still felt…

He looked at Sam.

_…. Weird._

“And our Captain comes into this how?” she added.

“James is my son, obviously. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before he developed powers himself,” George replied.

“Your training as Starfleet personnel would’ve entailed a log entry about a planet called Tarsus, correct?” Tooth added. Everyone nodded. “Tarsus, the colony, all of it wasn’t actually supposed to happen; we knew of its inception, knew that they were meant to start new life and cultivate it, but the starvation and level of violence, all of it… it reached such huge heights that we couldn’t help _but_ get involved. There were nine survivors. Nine children,” she added, “But all of one actually survived in the year afterward; all of the others passed away within months of the aftermath. It was our fault,” she said, looking away, looking down, “We should’ve known about it sooner, should’ve known about the deaths, but by the time word reached us, it was too late.”

“There was a different Jack Frost, then,” George intervened, “And when a Guardian is about to reach its death, the warnings become clear; they start to lose their powers, and those powers begin to manifest in someone else; my son had already been exhibiting the signs of the Guardian gene- he could control the snow, create ice from thin-air, but it had manifested _too early_. Guardians are _never_ children; they are adults, old enough to bear the weight of responsibility given to them. James was just nine years old, but his powers were growing as the old Jack Frost’s were dying.”

It took a moment for it all to settle in, but suddenly, Leonard was seeing red, and Scotty beat him to it. “So you sent yer son to the hellhole?” he spat. George looked at Scotty.

“I didn’t know about the level of devastation until Jack Frost had sent word one year later,” he said, his voice level. He gritted his teeth, “If I had fucking known, there would have been no question of me sending my _son_ to Tarsus. No question of sending anyone to Tarsus. No question whatsoever.”

“But Tarsus, the rescue, was Starfleet’s _first_ mission,” Bunny added, to mull over the silence that sat between the Scotsman and Jim’s father.

Spock narrowed his eyes. “Starfleet was involved? But that must mean that you were present during Starfleet’s inception?”

“That was two hundred years…” Uhura trailed off, and Pike levelled a look in her direction.

“Put two and two together, Lieutenant.”

Leonard cursed. He _should’ve known_. He looked at Sam, who shrugged her shoulders.

He thought of Jim.

_“Starfleet operates in space-“_

Jesus. The _look_ the kid had given him on the shuttle then and there.

Leonard murmured, “So you’re telling me that the people we’re speaking to right now, in this room, are the directors of Starfleet?”

“To boldly go where no man, or woman, has ever gone before,” Tooth said. She winked. “Yup. And it was all because of Jack that Starfleet was created in the first place.”

“How?” Sulu asked, his eyebrows furrowed. “We learned that Starfleet’s mission is the deep exploration of space- _what_ does that have to do with Jack Frost?”

“Jack, when he died, saving my son on the mission, sent his powers out toward the stars,” George said, “In doing so, my son was able to harness an energy stronger than any of ours. An energy that, if used against us, could result in a war the likes of which Earth has never, _ever_ , experienced before. Jack’s power rivals that of two Guardians combined, possibly three, if we include another Guardian whom you met earlier tonight.” George sent a look in Leonard’s direction.

 _Pitch._ A growl bubbled up from Leonard’s throat. He tampered it down.

“Hence the reason why, on Olduvai, James was able to kill off the planet we all knew once as Mars,” George continued, “And also the reason as to why the Hell knights are long gone and buried on the planet you discovered this morning.”

“So our Captain is Jack Frost, and his powers are amplified only when he is in space?” Sulu asked, and Pike nodded.

“Yes, essentially. Hence the reason as to why Jim joined Starfleet; he may have told you that I dared him, but in actual fact, Jim was afraid of the power he could control, afraid of what it could do if he used it wrongly; however, he is the only one who can harness the energy that Jack gave him when he gave his life for him. If that power ever came into the wrong hands, such as that of the creatures whom you may have seen this morning, even those of Khan, Admiral Marcus… every single life on Earth, in the galaxy, would be put in danger.”

Pike turned to Leonard, clasped his hands together and pursed his lips. He breathed out. “John, please understand this. All of the aforementioned pushed Jim out into the black; but, what moved him to act was _you_ ,” he said, his voice soft, gentle, “Jim went out into the black to _protect_ you.”

Leonard blinked.

_Protect…?_

The memory of the child on the base that day sparked a well of cold and hot fury in him. That child had aged, slowly, became a man, long before he ever realised that he was still alive.

And that man had watched over him all these years.

It…

Jim _knew_ him before he ever properly met him. Jim wanted to _protect_ him before he ever told him his name.

He balled his hands to fists. Jesus, he was a coward.

“What does Captain Pike mean when he calls you John, Doctor McCoy?” Spock asked.

Leonard breathed out. He cast a glance at Spock, whose eyebrows seemed to narrow slightly in assessment. He looked out across the crew, to each of their inquiring eyes. He wasn’t running. No. Not anymore.

“My real name is John Grimm,” he said. “Olduvai was the name of a station that I was sent to with a Tactical Unit in the year 2046; our mission involved the creatures you saw when we beamed down to the planet earlier today. We called them Hell knights, creatures that were once human, all made from a substance called-“

“Whoa. 2046. Doctor. What exactly are you saying there?” Scotty pointed a finger at Leonard from right across the table. “That’s not medically possible-“

“It is. Just let me finish, ‘cause I’m not repeating this,” Leonard said feeling the inching darkness settle over his skin, the remembrances of a past that turned his stomach- the blood, the death, the screams-

_Jim._

He breathed out.

“Our Squad were dispatched to transport an experiment that was found on Tarsus, an experiment that went by the codename Frost,” Leonard whispered. The silver-blue eyes of James- Jack, no _Jim-_ surfaced in his mind. He blinked. “We never got to the experiment, though. It went missing. We were outnumbered by the knights. They tore apart every single member of our Squad. Sam and I were all that were left on the base. Jim saved us, but I didn’t know it was him. I swear, I didn’t know that it was him.”

He gritted his teeth.

“2046,” Chekov whispered. “Doctor, that was vell over two hundred years ago-“

“The substance that had been tested on the creatures we call Hell knights was also given to me; it was the only way I could survive my injuries. I was the only one who didn’t become a knight, for reasons even I don’t know,” Leonard swallowed the rising bile. He didn’t realise how fast his heart was pounding; he was staring at the floor- why was he staring at the floor- it was winking in and out-

Fuck.

But he was afraid, secretly; Pitch was right, he was scared of what might happen, of who he might become-

That he might become Sarge; that he might suddenly warp, change figure, lose his brown eyes for a set of onyx ones-

Oh sweet Jesus. No. No way-

He couldn’t breathe.

Jim’s winking smile bled in and out of his vision, and suddenly, the weight of what Sam had said had turned full-circle. Two hundred years ago, and James had become Jack, and Jack had become Jim; two hundred years ago, and John Grimm became John Reaper, and now here he was, as Leonard McCoy.

Two hundred years, and he had never thought to say ‘thank you.’

Two hundred years, and Sarge’s body was never found-

“I didn’t know it was him, Sam,” he whispered, and he wasn’t sure if he was talking about Jim or if he meant Sarge, because if what little inkling was surfacing along his mind was telling him anything… it was…

“Jesus, I didn’t know-“ he stuttered.

“John,” Sam whispered-

“As a result of the C-24, my aging process slowed down; I can’t die, not as easily as a normal human being,” he looked up to the wide-eyed crew, “My senses are heightened. I’m strong. I-I thought that Jim went back down to that planet and got himself killed- if you’re bitten by those things then you become one of them- that’s why I wanted to go down there-“

It was coming all out in a rush now. He couldn’t stop the flow of words, the fear, from leaking out of his voice.

He was afraid. He didn’t want Jim to die, then-

_“Bones-“_

And to know that the kid had been keeping an eye on him, watching over him, all these two hundred years?

_“Bones-“_

No wonder he called him Bones.

All he had _left_ were his bones-

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t want you to know. I’m sorry-“

His voice was hoarse, and the hand on his shoulder felt like a lead weight, and he didn’t know where it was coming from, the fear- the violence of it- his lungs were tightening, and he was still, blearily, staring down at the floor, because he wasn’t able to lift his head anymore-

And Sarge’s voice was in his ear, shouting, shouting out his name-

“It’s Sarge, isn’t it?” he murmured. The hand on his shoulder stopped moving.

But there it was. The truth-

He was afraid of what he was becoming, and there was only one other person who knew that fear.

Pitch was right; _Sarge_ was right.

And there it was.

The reason.

Jim was following him, keeping an eye on him-

“That’s the reason why Jim was watching over me all these years, wasn’t it, Sam?” he murmured, his breath coming faster and faster. “It’s Sarge, isn’t it? He’s Sarge, isn’t he? Pitch is-“

A voice in his ear whispered, “Hush now. Close your eyes, John,” and suddenly, he was falling, falling down, falling deep, with Jim’s laugh bouncing in his mind and his heart heavy with the knowledge that Sarge, his commanding officer, was the reason as to why Jim was tied- shackled, more like- to him in the first place.

British accent be damned; he knew those onyx eyes anywhere; they were the same ones that tried to kill him, back then.

The _only_ survivor of Olduvai be damned; he wasn’t the only survivor; Sam had survived until the landing on Earth- he was just the only survivor who _mattered_ -

A freak.

_Human._

Pitch, the darkness that Sam had explained in detail to him, before she died, before the accident, was everything that Leonard feared the most; the embodiment of what he knew he would become, the embodiment of Hell and darkness and fear and sin.

And that left Jim.

Jesus. He had _no_ idea-

_None-_

“Sleep, John. Just sleep,” Sam was saying, and he was falling, falling into a pair of arms that held him up even when he felt as though he was falling through the floor under him.

 

.

.

.

_Tick._

_Tick._

_Tick._

 

_“Who’s there?” Leonard breathed._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used:
> 
>  
> 
> Many Mothers (Extended); Tom Holkenborg.  
> Lockdown; Steve Jablonsky.

“What’s that?” a male voice came out in a hushed whisper.

Jim blinked. _What?_

He squinted in the darkness, and heard the ticking of a clock somewhere in the distance. He turned on the bed, blinked again, and listened. The darkness blurred, but as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw the unmistakable curve of another body in the bed next to him. He sat up; this wasn’t his Medbay-

“You ascertained that our Captain, as well as the crew on this base, have powers,” Spock’s voice echoed from the dimmed lights in the hallway outside. Jim turned to look over his shoulder, to the bright square of light through the open door. He couldn’t make out the shadows, but he was aware of the body of people standing just outside the door, to the right, away from sight.

He turned back to look at the sleeping body next to him.

The curve of his spine looked familiar- he leaned in a little closer, and made out the all-black uniform-

Oh.

That was Bones. He looked up to the peaceful face of his best friend, glimpsed closed eyes and a parted mouth. He blinked, fighting the relief that suddenly swelled his frantic heart.

He remembered falling, and Bones- he remembered Bones shouting out his name…

He squinted.

That was it- he couldn’t remember- why was his mind all fuzzy? He tried to think back-

The planet. Pitch. He opened his mouth. Oh.

_Oh-_

He looked around Medbay, the familiarity of it settling over his skin. So he was back on Earth, it seemed. He couldn’t really remember the last time he was here- was it before or after the winter of ’69, when Bunny nearly murdered him for the snow-in? He grinned when he remembered it; Jesus, that was some frost, alright.

The flicker of a recent memory dawned over his skin-

He remembered Bones calling his name-

“Yes, that is correct,” the voice answered Spock, and Jim blinked. That voice sounded so familiar-

“Captain, how, exactly, do these powers work?”

_Captain?_

Spock was calling someone a Captain? Who-

Was it his dad?

Jim swung his legs over the side of the bed.

Oh. Wait.

He stopped.

He was on-base.

Which meant that the crew knew-

“Our powers stem from the belief of children,” the voice answered. Jim nodded; it was true- kids had to believe in them in order for them to be seen, in order for their powers to be felt. He wasn’t so sure of the voice that spoke - had there been a new Guardian? Who was he?

Jim stepped onto the cold floor, and shuddered. He pulled the soldier-black jacket he’d worn when fighting against Pitch over his shoulders. His skull felt numb, dizzy with the drain of power from earlier; he needed food, answers-

“Then why is it that Jim’s powers differ from that of the other Guardians? Why does Jim’s form alter from that of human to Guardian? None of the rest of your team seems to change their appearance as our Captain does,” Spock asked. Jim stopped. He looked up-

 

 _“Hey, little kiddie- wanna play with Mr Kodos?”_ a voice intoned from the darkest, darkest recesses of Jim’s mind; something switched inside of him, and suddenly, Jim was staggering, breathing out the sharpest of winter air-

_No. Don’t tell them. Please don’t tell them-_

The stench of blood- Kodos’s blood- rose to curl in his nostrils-

 

\- “Ah, the inevitable question, Spock. It’s something that you’ll have to ask Jim, I’m afraid,” the voice replied. Jim stepped toward the door, and as he came around the corner, blinking against the white lights that blinded his vision, he turned and found a face he was never, ever, expecting to see.

Jim stilled.

Scotty caught his eye; he opened his mouth, but-

Christopher Pike said, “You see, Spock, each of the Guardians all draw on the belief and magic of a child’s imagination; we can be seen because there is a child in all of us who still believes that magic, in whatever shape or form, still exists. For Jim, though…” he stopped, his face turned away from Jim. Spock caught Jim’s look of horror, as did Uhura, who gestured at Pike, but -

Pike continued, “- the real problem arises when you find that it is Jim who doesn’t believe in himself.”

Jim swallowed, suddenly feeling two feet tall, invisible-

Worthless.

Between each beat of his heart, he could hear Pike over the years, coaching him, daring him, working with him- telling him that he was good enough to be a Captain. But he didn’t know; frost above, Pike couldn’t have known that the Guardians were real, but…

For some reason, now, now that he was here, Jim could hear his words of encouragement, for the Captaincy, as words of encouragement for the Guardianship, to help protect the people, the children that needed him the most-

And Pike.

_Pike wasn’t dead._

The man standing in front of him, the man who was facing the people who were once his crew…

Jim felt his heart stutter to a complete stop.

Sure.

They _started_ Starfleet, but... Pike wasn’t a part of that-

Who did he _replace_? Jim didn’t remember. Wait- Jim _couldn’t_ remember. Was there _ever_ a new Guardian chosen? What did all of that-

Pike was new; a new Guardian. A completely, brand-new Guardian…

Pike stopped, eyes narrowing, and he turned and looked at each of his crew, and found a head of blonde hair and bright, blue eyes when he swivelled on his feet-

Jim’s heart literally skittered when he came face to face with those eyes, that wide-eyed disbelief, that-

He didn’t realise his vision blurred until he realised that… he was crying…

Something shifted in the air.

“Captain,” Uhura said, but he couldn’t see her-

He looked down at the floor, hiding.

“ _Sir_ ,” Jim breathed, enunciating the word for the Captain present.

Had _that much_ really changed?

Had he really been away for _that_ long?

“Jim,” a female voice whispered. He caught the tail-ends of Sam’s voice. His vision still blurred, but he could picture Samantha as clear as day.

She never told him.

Never.

_Jesus Christ._

He breathed out another sharp gasp of cold-as-ice air.

A fuzzy edge on the corners of his vision made him dizzy-

Was it just him or was the world tilting, just a little-

Jim said he could do the Captaincy in three.

And he proved it, with his _powers._

And she… She was alive. She died in the aftermath of Olduvai.

But she wasn’t dead.

Alive.

_Breathing._

**_Alive._ **

“Jim,” Pike said, and Jim saw the movement, the black shadow coming closer- he blinked, stepped back-

“N-No, I’m fine- I don’t remember- what- _what_ happened out there?”

He rubbed at his eyes, fast, and looked up to his crew. Chekov said, “Sir, the planet-“

“I remember the planet, Chekov, but how did we…” he gestured to the hallway, “… how did we end up _here_?”

“Jim,” Sam said, and Jim shuddered at the sound of her voice; he never thought that he would ever hear that voice again. She was stepping closer, and he raised his hands in warning, stopping her.

“Jim,” Sam said again, her hands up, palm outward, a gesture to calm him, “Your heart stopped from the shock of reverting. You left it too long since your last change.”

_Near-three years._

“-Tooth brought you back to life,” Sam continued, “And Bunny brought you back here. Along with the Enterprise. John’s just sleeping; Pitch isn’t accounted for,” Sam added.

Her clipped answers steadied him. He nodded, once.

“Jim,” Pike said, stepping close, “You should be in bed-“

Jim bit the inside of his mouth.

A little sliver of white-hot anger slid up his spine.

The world wasn’t tilting anymore; it was settling on raised edges and fire and darkness and smoke.

Jim breathed.

“Sir, with all due respect, you _don’t_ get to say anything,” he pointed at Pike. Pike blinked, shock evident on his face. But there was a dam in Jim’s chest and goddamnit, he was burning it down, crashing through every single goddamn rock he could in order to make it fall, make it _burn_ -

His dad was here. Gaila, no- Tooth. And Bunny.

So no one had ever bother telling him, even when he was back on Earth, after Khan…

He glanced at Sam. “Moon, huh?”

She nodded, once.

Then he looked at Pike, gestured to his hands. Pike tilted his head, nodded. Jim read his posture; he still looked the exact same, but…

“Sandman,” he guessed, remembering all of the stories of the different Guardian types there were out there, the ones told by his father.

Pike said, “Yeah, kid.”

He breathed out a clipped, “When?”

“Olduvai,” Sam whispered, and she gestured to Pike, “After Khan.”

Oh. Jim nodded. He gritted his teeth. He felt like he could talk back. He felt…

After Khan.

Years ago. And no one told him.

Jesus. He _felt_ fucking angry.

The dam burst, and Jesus, was he angry.

“Jim-“ Pike started. Jim turned, eyes blazing a glossy white-silver-

“You _don’t_ get to say anything. You fucking died. Even better, you _never_ told me you came back,” he gritted out. The entire crew jumped at his rising voice, and Uhura raised a hand to say something, but Jim forgot them, forgot _all_ of them.

A welling storm bubbled inside of him, and Jim felt the sharp spark of ice coat his veins. Pike jumped when he felt it, the rising tide of power that bubbled just underneath the surface of the Captain’s skin.

“Jim, stop-“ Sam started, her voice as panicked as Pike’s wide eyes.

“What-?” Sulu started, but Chekov grabbed his shoulder.

Dimly, Jim knew; this was a power that, if unchecked, would cause another planet to die.

Just like Olduvai.

Just like…

“Jim,” Pike warned, “You shouldn’t be able to _use_ your powers- how-“

Pike didn’t know about the Guardianship; but Jesus, why did he have a feeling?  
Pike knew his dad; there was something so out of place here…

Become a Captain in less than three; become a Guardian in less tha…

His dad was friends with Pike-

Jim shook his head. No. Not true. Not true-

“You _tell_ me,” Jim bit out. “You fucking control the dreams, Sandy.”

Pike’s eyes went wide, the hurt as wild as the confusion that bubbled inside of him.

Jim could see it, the years that went into their friendship- and he thought that Pike never knew. But it made sense; become a Captain, do what your father done-

Become a fucking Guardian.

Save the children.

The planet.

_The galaxy._

_Stop Pitch._

_Stop Sarge._

Pike knew his dad. Jesus, it all fucking clicked.

He was just a set-up.

A fucking shadow of a goddamn lie. A mortal body with immortal powers.

He was going to _kill_ his father when he saw him next.

They had it planned all along.

Olduvai.

The experiments.

Keep John Grimm in check; keep Bones in check-

Help Starfleet-

Stop Nero.

Stop Khan.

Stop Krall.

Save the planet.

Stop Pitch.

“Don’t _give_ me that look,” Jim said. “You don’t _get_ to give me that look. You _died_ , in front of me. You were gone. The closest thing to a father I had when dad had no time for his kid. You _left_. What?” he jerked his head to Sam, “Did the old Moon decide to keep you? What’s with that? Moon decided he was sick of having to do all the sitting around, all the _leading_?” he gestured to Sam, who stood with her hands held out toward him. “Did he decide to give you all the dirty work? Did he decide that he was too fucking lazy to keep all the planets in check-“

“ _James_ ,” Pike stepped in front of Sam. Jim faltered, but it was enough to raise his hackles all the more.

“You don’t _get_ to call me that anymore,” Jim gritted out. He raised his shoulders, and the ice, the sweet balm of frosted air and snow, chilled his breath. Pike stepped back, breathing-

“Jim, what happened to you?”

But there was too much of it, the darkness, the whispers, the doubts-

The glass cage on Olduvai. The beatings, the deaths, the massacres. The _you’ll-never-be-a-Guardian-James_ tirade that mumbled like white noise in the background. Father Christmas with a crinkle-eyed grin that reminded him too much of himself, the click of fingers and his first time screaming John Reaper’s name as the Hell Knights towered above Sam’s body-

_“Hey, little kiddie- wanna play with Mr Kodos?”_

_“Hey, little kiddie- wanna play with Mr Kodos?”_

_“Hey, little kiddie- wanna play with Mr Kodos?”_

_“Hey, little kiddie- wanna play with Mr Kodos?”_

“Pitch happened,” Jim growled. “Bones happened. Olduvai happened. Tarsus happened-“ he stopped, the shock of it all, from hundreds of years ago, suddenly overwhelming him. Spock was blurring in and out of focus, trying to say his name, his name- but-

Bones.

He looked over Pike’s shoulder, “Does he _know_?” he added, gesturing to Sam, to the Medbay. “Does he know that you didn’t _die_?”

“James,” Sam’s eyes watered, “I’m so sorry-“

But it was too late. The ice was there, the tremors of fear, sticking like heat to his veins, turning each and every one of them blue. He couldn’t feel what made him human, couldn’t feel the ends of warmth in his fingers. He couldn’t control it, couldn’t tamper it down-

_“Hey, little kiddie- wanna play with Mr Kodos?”_

“Captain,” Uhura whispered, but Jim was blind to any of his crew- or was it really Pike’s crew?

He didn’t _have_ a crew anymore. He looked at Pike. They were _his._

His skin _burned_ with the thought.

“James- you’re losing your centre-“ Pike said. Jim raised his eyes to the man he once called father.

His mother was right, when she’d been alive. They really were too alike. Like father, like son.

“I have no centre, _Pike,”_  he gritted out. “I’m not _your_ Jack Frost. Not your Captain. Your Guardian. Never have been. Never will.”

“Son-“ Pike started, but Jim shirked him as he stepped forward, the hurt and the pain bleeding out of his body.

His powers were stuttering, going haywire under his frame, spiking ice and snow in his mind, spiking pain that seeped wounds through his beating-bloody heart, all of it shining through a snow-hazed glass, like they had when he first met Sam.

He wasn’t Frost anymore.

He was losing himself.

Losing Bones, his crew, his friends, losing everything that made him who he was-

_Bones._

Jesus, Bones-

_It hurt._

He stepped back, and before Sam could reach out for him, to touch him, to hold him, he was gone, slipping through the walls of space, slipping right out from between their fingers, slipping into darkness, escaping from them, from their voices.

He couldn’t become another Pitch.

He opened his eyes, and he was standing in darkness with nothing but the stars of space to keep him company and the surface of the glowing Earth as his floor.

 _Bones_ , he thought, _would be safer down there._

He closed his eyes, scattering his power a little further out.

Bones couldn’t deal with another Pitch; not one like him.


End file.
